Thursday, Thursday....

Today...........was good. I guess.
How's that for an affirmative answer to a question nobody asked?

So I just remembered last night that Brandon wanted us to go to see Transformers today, and then forgot about it, and then remembered again this morning when I called him. I don't know why, but I guess some weird part of my brain didn't want to go sit in the movie theater, so I got pretty anxious about it. Like, really. But I calmed down, particularly after he said that the first showing wasn't until after 11 o'clock. So I went over to his house and we watched Joan of Arcadia some more, and I think I dozed off for about half an hour because next thing I know, Brandon's got to hurry and eat lunch so we can get to the theater.

The movie was pretty good. I wouldn't give it five stars, like Brandon made me rate it on NetFlix, but I don't think it was as bad as the majority of the reviews made it out to be. It was loud, but a fun kind of loud. Some of the dialogue was cheesy, the main human characters were kind of zombie-like, and it did sort of feel like two movies rolled into one. But it was still good. I had a relatively good time. While we were there I ate three M&M's...I don't know why but I didn't really feel like eating today, so those M&M's were the first thing I had to eat all day (at like, 1:30 p.m.) And then my stomach kind of got upset almost at the end of the movie and I was feeling kind of bad (in an "it's all in my head" kind of way) on the way back to Brandon's. I got home just fine, ate the four leftover chicken nuggets I had from Tuesday night, and took a 25-minute nap.

Then came work.

Work went fine, but my tummy was a bit upset when I got there. Probably because I had eaten. So, I was up at the desk for almost ten minutes, and had to leave to go visit the restroom. I wasn't back there that long. Like, six minutes. But like I said, my stomach was being weird. When I came out of the bathroom my boss was waiting for me, and let's just say that we had a brief, mildly upsetting conversation because she thought I was back there the whole time I was supposed to have been working (it was now 15 minutes into my work shift. Which yeah, that would have been a long bathroom break....). She didn't yell at me but did pretty much say that I should count that as at least part of my break time because it was an inconvenience to the other people working. I hate confrontation. She wasn't mean about it or anything, but still. So despite the fact that I was basically feeling ok when I walked out of the back room (where the restroom is), after this I felt really bad. But I went up to the desk and toughed it out until she and some of the other people left (I felt really REALLY gross by now) and then went back over to the bathroom to cry for a moment or two (I checked the clock- it was really like, three minutes. Hmph.) I hate feeling like I got in trouble. Even though I didn't...and I totally understand what she was saying, and she probably wouldn't have said it if she had been watching the clock like I was. Plus, it's not like I go over to the bathroom and, I don't know, read magazines. Ew. I had a reason for being there, you know? And I wasn't having fun or anything...I know it's an inconvenience for the other people who were working to continue working for six minutes while I was away from the desk, but you know what? I'm inconvenienced, too. I'm inconvenienced because, for a variety of ever-changing reasons, I haven't slept a full night since March. I'm inconvenienced because I'm hardly able to eat anything most of the time. I'm inconvenienced because I spent the last two or three weeks basically in a form of prison because of my panic attacks. And I'm inconvenienced because things aren't quite as good as I want them to be yet (still getting better every day, though. I am grateful for that.) So yeah. I was kind of bothered for quite a while at work. Not mad, just bothered. And my feelings were a little hurt, too. But the rest of the evening went really well. It was actually really calm in the library tonight (pretty shocking for a summer evening). Despite the fact that someone dumped a huge amount of donations in the bookdrops outside (they aren't supposed to do that) and we had to deal with a strange lady who later called to talk to someone else about the exact same thing Jess and I went over with her forty minutes earlier, the evening went very smoothly. That makes me happy.

Now I'm off for the weekend, which is pretty cool. I don't normally work on Fridays, Saturday we are closed, so I worked the rest of my hours earlier this week. Tomorrow I have a lot to do in the areas of cleaning and laundry, and Kelli is supposed to probably maybe come over tomorrow to visit. I might get to see Brandon, too, but I don't know yet. He hasn't called back and I've been home for...a while now. I didn't think he was working tonight but maybe I was wrong. I'm getting pretty sleepy, though. He'd better call soon, or I won't hear the phone because of this noisy fan in my room. It's hot in here. If I turn the fan off, I will like, steam myself in my sleep. Like some broccoli. Wearing pajamas. If I leave the fan on, I can't hear anything. I have to set the alarm on my phone AND my alarm clock to get up in the morning, and even then sometimes I don't hear it until it has been ringing for five minutes. It's a very serious dilemma, you know...