I Feel So

Life is very frustrating at times.
When I went to work this afternoon, I felt fine. Amazingly. I even commented on it out loud to myself in the car on the way there. I felt FINE. And I was especially happy since I had virtually no problems today (again, aside from waking up feeling icky.) I got to work early, sat in the kitchen and read my book for a little bit, and then went out to work. Things were going ok for a little bit, and then I started getting this weird feeling in my stomach. I waited a bit and then left the desk to go over to the restroom. I was not panicking.
After I left the bathroom I stopped to talk with Ms Lynn for a moment, since she was sitting in her office. I told her apparently my stomach was a little upset but I thought I was doing pretty well. Then I left the workroom, started to head back up to the desk, and...threw up. A little. In my mouth (sorry for being gross, but I'm still pretty shocked...I like, NEVER throw up). I was taken very much by surprise. I paused, then went up to the desk and asked to speak with my boss, and I told her what happened. I told her I wanted to stay, and we decided I'd go ahead and take my break (really early) and see if I got any better. I tried...I stayed calm...and it happened again. We talked some more and I told her I was feeling worse but I didn't want to get in trouble about sick time and I was going to try to stay. I went back up to the desk, got a cart of stuff to shelve, and went over to put away some fiction. I got maybe six books shelved when I had to run back over to the bathroom and I got sick four more times. I still wasn't having a panic attack, though (weird, huh?) But I felt soooo bad. And not at all like this was the end of my issues. I went back to talk to my boss (who was about to go home) and ended up coming home early. I feel disgusting and I don't know why. It bothers me. I'm really, really angry because I did MY part and stayed calm, and I still feel like I screwed up somehow. I feel so gross. I would consider going back up to work but I've still got some issues...I just don't know. I'm really upset. I feel like I've let people down, even though this was obviously something I have no control over.
I have to go to the doctor in the morning because if I don't get a doctor's note showing that I am at least attempting to do something about this stuff, my job could be in jeopardy, I guess. I don't even care anymore. I hate going to the doctor but I actually want to go. I want to feel better. I want to get some medicine that will work (my insurance denied me the opportunity to get the reflux medicine that I have had the most success with, and after a few months on the less-helpful one, I have a feeling it's not working anymore and that's a source of some of my problems). I won't be able to get much accomplished: the people at Urgent Care won't give me anything for my anxiety because they don't know my history, and they can't do a whole lot for my stomach/esophagus issues- for that I will have to go see a specialist. Ugh. But at least I can get my doctor's note, and maybe get something temporary to help me out with my stomach issues.

I am going to go lie back down and read some more. My stomach has started doing flip flops again and for whatever reason I have an earache...this is just dumb. I'd like to build a time machine and fast forward a month or two and see if I'm feeling any better. Because let me tell you, I am so tired of all this. Really. I have been having some sort of issue or another since March. I'm exhausted- from everything. I just want to get better.