I wrote an obituary for my fish.

Today the world has lost a dear, sweet soul. Fernald the fish has gone on to the big fish bowl in the sky.

[Well, actually, now that I think of it, he's probably been dead for a few days. I just thought he was doing one of his "coma" things. It's happened before. But I digress. ]

This evening, while finally working on cleaning up my desk a bit, I noticed that there were some soggy food pellets floating at the top of Fernald's bowl. This isn't super unusual, so I decided to see if he would just like some fresh food. I wiggled his bowl a bit to wake him up, as he was...reclining on the bottom of his bowl. He does this sometimes. But he did not wiggle in reply. Remembering that he had been looking a bit peaky lately, I took an unsharpened Hello Kitty pencil from my pencil cup and gave him a poke. Still no response. I even pushed him about the bowl a bit, to no avail. There is still a chance he's snoozing, I told myself. I stared at him for a moment and noted that he was not blinking. After confirming with my father that this was not normal live fish behavior, Fernald was declared dead at 7:32 p.m. November 17, 2009. He is currently lying in state in his bowl under a pillowcase, until his interment (meaning, I don't want to flush him so I told mom to come do it.)

Fernald Jeff Goldblum Harold Ramis Meredith lived a long and exciting life. He has owned many homes in his long, three year life. He has occupied numerous bowls of various shapes and sizes, a vase or two, and two aquariums. He has had black and purple gravel and neon rainbow gravel. He raised a few plastic plants in his free time, as well. Fernald experienced a dark period of his life when I set his bowl on my bookshelf and basically forgot about him for a month or two. But he was a hearty fish, and he survived. After all, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. In Fernald's case, what didn't kill him made him a bit dull for a while. But then he got his color back.

Fernald was fond of pellets and enjoyed watching television. He enjoyed music and was an avid swimmer. He will dearly missed by his family, and his best friend, the walrus figurine which shared his tank. Fernald and his walrus spent many cold nights snuggled up together. And I am not even lying about that.

The family has chosen to have a private memorial. In lieu of flowers, expressions of sympathy may be made to the World Wildlife Fund.

*cue bagpipes playing 'Amazing Grace'*