This evening.

Things I have done since shortly after 11 pm to try to calm down because I have a scratchy throat and I'm really stupid and somehow irrationally think that means I'm going to throw up or something:
*Watched two minutes of the Daily Show
*Listened to two and a half episodes of Adventures in Odyssey
*Got more crushed ice
*Petted Polo for a while
*Read my Bible verses
*Sang a David Crowder song. Quite shakily, I might add.
*Played the game on my phone for a few minutes
*Got up several times for various reasons
*Consumed four lifesavers
*Tried some deep breathing
*Called Brandon. Was told he is "busy" at a quarter til midnight. Heard some talking in the background and was informed that I made him "die". He is playing video games.
*Hung up on Brandon
*Called Brandon back. Told him I already tried reading my Bible verses.
*Got more ice
*Looked for some cough drops
*Found bottle of narcotic cough syrup in the back of the cabinet from the last time I was sick. Decide this would be perfect: would solve issue of sore throat AND calm me down. Perfect, right?
*Have second thoughts, decide in my nervousness to clear it with mom. It is now midnight.
*Start saying "mom?" "Mom?" from bottom of steps
*Carefully make my way to the top of the steps. Say "mom" some more.
*Turn on light in stairwell, hoping this will bother the dogs, waking them up, thus waking up mom. Doesn't work.
*Say "Mom" about a dozen more times
*Push open the door a little. Now saying "mom" more frequently. Realizing this is really dumb just to get some cough syrup but by now I'm too upset to care.
*Finally wake mom up. She says she's not mad (or at least she won't admit to being mad). But I wouldn't blame her if she was. I'd be mad. And frustrated. I hope if I ever have children they don't inherit my issues. And not just because I don't want to be woken up in the middle of the night. I think that comes with the "mom" territory.

It's after twelve thirty now. I feel better but not ready to go to sleep. Switched to slightly less dramatic Adventures in Odyssey disc, hoping it would be more effective in helping me sleep.

In my last blog entry I mentioned something about hating feeling like a little kid again, what with these anxiety issues. I feel the need to mention that when I was small, I listened to Adventures in Odyssey tapes (and later CDs) to help me sleep. Also Jungle Jam. Jonathan did too, and there's nothing to be ashamed about having to listen to something to fall asleep. I mean, every night I have the TV on when I fall asleep. But it's just like adding a little sprinkling of insult to injury: "Jessi, this is Life speaking. Here, for several weeks you are going to have to feel out of control of your semi-sane mind. You will do all those dumb things you did when you were little and you felt bad, like holding your breath when you walk across the room and being a general nuisance. And just for fun, the TV will no longer be of any assistance in the sleep department. You will now resort to listening to children's radio programs." What's next? Footie pajamas? Baby teeth? *Gasp* Blond hair?! Oh, heavens.

It's almost one now. I'm supposed to get up a little after six so I can try to choke down some breakfast before Brandon comes over (before nine) to visit me for a little while before mom goes to work. I'm not so sure I'll want to get up. But then again, I thought that about this morning and I ended up freaking myself out at 615 this morning and not falling back asleep for like, forever. I thought I wouldn't want to get up early this morning, either. It was easy getting up and hard going back to sleep.

Ok I think I'm done now. We're almost finished with round one of Adventures in Odyssey: The Sleepy Years. I think that means it's time to go.