Hello, World!

2010-01-18T08:51:00.000-05:00

Hello! Just wanted to remind everyone that I am not posting on this blog anymore (except for this post, duh) and that "our" new blog can be found by clicking here. I say "our", but it's really mine, because Brandon doesn't believe in blogs. It is about us, though. See you there!

This kind of turned into a review.

2009-12-31T15:42:00.004-05:00

Two more days! Less than 48 hours, actually. It's bananas. Yesterday mom and I went and had our nails done, and today I got a pedicure, which was quite wonderful, except it was cold and I had to wear flip flops. We also picked up lunch from a relatively new restaurant in the area, and it was horrible. I am thinking of starting a (non-earning) career as a restaurant reviewer so I have an excuse to tell you how bad it was. Calistoga Artisan Sandwiches looked exciting. It sounded good. They are a deli-ish restaurant that apparently has fresh baked bread, much like other restaurants that I like, such as Panera. The menu featured exciting pictures of all sorts of sandwiches, salads, and even waffles. They even use aioli on their sandwiches! People who use aioli impress me. We got inside and there were hardly any customers sitting and eating. They didn't have one kind of soup that my dad wanted, even though it was on the menu- they don't serve it anymore. I ordered the chicken salad sandwich (with lettuce, tomato, and mayo on fresh made wheatberry bread) and a cup of chicken tortilla soup. I love chicken salad and have a goal of trying every chicken salad in the city. I also love the chicken tortilla soup at McAlister's, and was expecting something relatively similar. I was quite disappointed in my meal. The soup was very dark and looked greasy. It didn't taste like any tortilla soup I've ever had. It actually tasted like chili. The canned kind. It was warm and tomato-y, with a hint of beef? Very strange. It also came complete with soggy, mushy tortilla strips on top. It wasn't spicy- it had no kick to it at all. The sandwich was nothing special. The bread was good tasting, but come to think of it, it tasted just like the wheat bread you can get with the chicken salad at Arby's. Which is fast food. I think this takes away a few points from Calistoga. In addition, the chicken salad itself was dry and very processed tasting, consisting of little dressing and extremely finely shredded chicken. I have had comparable salad from grocery store salad bars. The salad was scooped onto the bread with one of those perfectly round scoops like lunch ladies use, and I'd say about 30% of the bread had nothing on it but the lettuce leaf. All in all it was extremely disappointing, but it was a learning experience. We now know that we never want to eat there again (mom didn't eat much of her sandwich, and dad hardly touched his, which may be because they put mustard on it even though mom told the guy three times not to.)

Looks like fake food, tastes like fake food

Anyway, since tomorrow will be extremely busy, and then tomorrow night is the rehearsal, and then the next day is the wedding, I don't think there's much of a chance of me getting back on here before the wedding. So I will now announce that I will cease to post on this blog, and when we get back, we will start a family blog (me, Brandon, and the guinea pig we don't have yet) at Me and Mr. Jones (haha, get it? Like the song, except not about what the song's about.)

See you there, and wish us luck for this weekend!

6!

2009-12-27T20:25:00.002-05:00

Six more days! Well, it's closing in on five now, but whatever. It's surreal. But things are coming together, I guess. We still have to finish the favors, and apparently there's a lot to do regarding the centerpieces. I have to burn all the CDs for the ceremony, for before the ceremony, for the reception, etc. And of course I'm still taking stuff over to the apartment, but I don't think there's really that much left. I have the clothes I need this week here, and I have some random bags and boxes, a corner of my room with some junk in it, and whatever's under my bed. Then of course, things need to be put away, but that's another story. Brandon is already ready to take down the Christmas stuff at the apartment, which is kind of a bummer, but at the same time there's not much point in keeping it up. It's not as though we're there all the time to enjoy it. I doubt we have the time to do anything about it right now, anyway.

So tomorrow is errands day. I really need to get to the eye doctor because I don't have any more contacts. And we've got some other running around to do. Brandon's family's going to get their tuxes tomorrow, and I think we will pick up my brother's, too. We might bring my dress home, too! I am excited.

Odobenus Rosmarus.

2009-12-25T15:56:00.003-05:00

Howdy, and Merry Christmas. May I just say that I am already hungry again. I am trying to resist eating my leftover creampuff from lunch, though, because we will be having chik-fil-a chicken nuggets at my aunt's house in about an hour.

Christmas has been interesting so far. I kind of assumed that I would be moody, since this is my last Christmas at home, but everything's been pretty fine. Dad has a stomach bug so for the first time in the history of forever, he did not go out to Mammaw and Pappaw's for lunch.

So last night, I got off work at 5 and we went to church, which was interesting. It wasn't as touching as the last two years' sermons, to be honest. It was pretty weird. But it was still ok. Then we went home, ate dinner, and Brandon came over and we opened presents as a family. After Brandon went home, I got ready for bed and straightened up my room a bit. Miraculously, I actually slept through most of the night. Granted, I didn't fall asleep until almost midnight, and I woke up around five the first time, but that is actually way better than I've been sleeping lately. This morning we discovered dad wasn't feeling well, and then Mimi and Pappaw (my mom's parents) came over and we opened gifts and ate breakfast. Breakfast was really good this year. Mom always make sausage balls, and dad always makes a pumpkin roll, but we also had mini Cinnabons this year, and they were fab. Mini cinnabons are about the size as regular cinnamon rolls. In case you aren't aware, a normal-sized Cinnabon has more than 900 calories. Disturbing, isn't it?
After messing with our presents for a while, Mimi and Pappaw went home, and the mom, Jonathan and I headed out to Mammaw's for lunch. It is a Meredith family tradition to have fried oysters for Christmas lunch. So I had about four of those, and lots of Mammaw's potato salad (which is AMAZING) and there was cole slaw and rolls and oyster crackers and homemade hush puppies. Oh, mylanta. I was so full I did not eat my creampuff for dessert. And that like, never happens. Then we had present time, which was fun. I am an opponent of people listing everything they got for Christmas on blogs and facebook, because I think it's really tacky. It implies that you want everyone to know what you got, and you want to compare with other people. That's not what Christmas is all about. I usually just say that my family got me some wonderful things and for that I'm very grateful, but I will say one thing I got for Christmas this year, because it was so different and awesome. As many people are aware, I love walruses. So does Kelli. We collect them. This is kind of hard to do, since there isn't a big market for walrus things out there. My aunt gave myself and Brandon a box of animal themed presents, and in there was a bag from the World Wildlife Fund, containing a stuffed walrus and a piece of paper saying that a "walrus" had been adopted in my name. The money from that goes specifically to the conservation of walruses (populations have shrunk quite a bit in the last few years), and I got a nice picture of a walrus, to boot. I made the comment that it would be fun to write letters to my walrus, much in the same way that one would write to a sponsor child, and of course, when I sent Kelli a text message telling her about this gift, she pretty much said the same thing. Great minds think alike!

After presents and everything, my aunt, cousin, and her husband followed me over to the apartment so they could see it, which was fun. And now we are waiting to go to her house (my aunt's, that is) for dinner over there. Chicken nuggets, chips and dip, rolls, her version of potato salad (very good) and lots of goodies for dessert. Brandon will pick me up from there and we'll go to his house to visit for a while, and then he'll bring me back home. And then tomorrow, it's back to cleaning and packing and planning and preparing and such. The wedding is one week and one day away! It's bananas. I really don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas, and continues to do so the rest of the day!

bother bother bother...

2009-12-18T19:13:00.002-05:00

Yeah, it has been a while since I updated. We have moved a lot of stuff into the apartment, and it looks really nice. We're both excited to have it even though neither of us is technically staying there right now. My room looks weird without a lot of stuff in it- the desk is moved out, along with all three bookshelves, the rocking chair and my cedar chest. Basically all that's left is my dresser, tv, bed and nightstand, some random piles of stuff and a little card table with my computer. I think somehow the furniture made it warmer in here...it sure is cold. Maybe that's because my closet door is off its hinges, though.
We are now about two weeks away from the wedding, and it's a really weird sensation. I'm not really freaking out, but I do know deep down that I still have stuff to do. I really should make a list and work on knocking things out one at a time, but right now I am too tired. And cold. I work all day tomorrow for some reason (both weekend days! Weird, huh?) and then I should try to stop by the apartment and do some things there. Sunday my best pal Kelli is throwing me a bachelorette party. I don't know how often I will see her over the next two weeks. I mean, I doubt I'll see her before Christmas, and even though I'm off work the whole week after that, I have a feeling I'll be keeping myself busy. I also need to pack for the honeymoon sometime, call Disney with our flight information, finish packing up my stuff....and pause for a few moments to enjoy Christmas.
This is my last Christmas at home and its sad because it doesn't really feel like Christmas at my house. Everyone is too distracted by wedding stuff. And moving stuff. And just...stuff. We didn't get the tree up until a few days ago, and normally we have it up way early. I don't know that it's even decorated. We have done minimal Christmas baking. I'm surprised some of us even remembered to shop for presents. And we'll take next Friday off and spend all day with each other, visiting family and stuff, but the next day it will be back to freaking out about wedding stuff for the next eight days.
Part of me regrets choosing a date eight days after Christmas to get married. Oh well.

Accidental Omission

2009-11-28T20:48:00.002-05:00

Oopsie.
Well, we found out about the apartment a week or so ago. I think. I forgot to post. It's all very exciting. Our move-in day is in about two weeks. I will be excited to get my stuff in that apartment- it's slightly less fun when it's just hanging out in my basement.

The wedding is five weeks from today, and that is just bananas. It's incredibly surreal. I've got more stuff done, but we are having some, shall we say, issues, with RSVPs. We sent out about 180 invitations. And we've got maybe 40 response cards. Some people have just let me know that they're coming or not coming, which is fine, because at least I know. And a few relatives (and bridesmaids...) haven't sent theirs but I know they're going to be there. But those groups only account for like, ten response cards. There's still over 300 people we have no idea if they're coming or not. Which is a little frustrating, because people keep asking me what the count is, and I simply don't know. I sent facebook messages to a few people, asking if they got their invitations and if they will be able to come, but I haven't heard from anyone....hopefully they were just busy with Thanksgiving and will get back to me soon. Because the "reply by" date is like, December 2nd. Which is what, three days away? Or something like that. Three days that the post office delivers mail.
And I feel bad that I'm frustrated, like I'm being, I don't know, demanding, wanting to know if people are coming. But I need to know. If I only hear back from a few more people and just assume like, 250 people aren't coming, and then half of them show up, that is a heck of a lot of food and drink that we do not have. Among other things.

In the meantime, I am boxing up some random stuff around my room. I'm pretty much clearing off my bookshelves (I have two tall ones and one short one) and boxing up the contents so we can go ahead and move them to the apartment. I'm keeping my DVDs out, and my Harry Potter books, because sometimes I just need to read them. They make me happy. And I boxed up a lot of my stuffed animals (I don't know what I'm going to do with them...) and some breakables and I'm starting a box of random stuff. Contents so far: two figurines from LOST, a doggie lobster costume, part of a doggie bumblebee costume, a planner that I barely used, and some walruses. Like I said. Random.

In terms of wedding accomplishments, I got the rest of my favor boxes put together, paid the balance on the flowers, and made appointments for my hair trial run, my nail appointment (two days before the wedding) and my hair and makeup appointment the day of the wedding. That part was pretty exciting. I am looking forward to it! And we took my dress back to Rebecca's to be pressed. I just need to remember to go back and get my veil for my hair trial. I thought about taking it home but I just knew it would get messed up.

So..that's all that's going on right now. Completely scintillating. I'm sure the world was dying to know.

Who knows where the time goes?

2009-11-22T21:11:00.003-05:00

Wow. What a weekend.
Friday Jonathan came down with the flu, randomly and all of a sudden. Saturday morning at work there was an overly zealous man beating on the door, and he tried to bribe us to let him in and get on the computer. Um, no. Then that afternoon a patron had a seizure and we had to call an ambulance. And then the events of this morning were argumentative, to put it mildly. And now the day is over. The weekend is over. And I have no time.
The wedding is six weeks away, and that's exciting. We're supposed to pick up my dress tomorrow and take it back to the dress place to store it. And run a million other errands. I have a paper due Tuesday that I must tackle. And I have to work tomorrow, so...yeah. Tuesday is school. Wednesday is work again, but I'm off in the evening. And then Thursday is Thanksgiving and then the week is over again! We need to meet with our photographer about how much time she has, where she needs to be, what shots we want, etc. But we can't do that until we meet with the wedding coordinator and map out the ceremony. And then we need to get in touch with the minister and fill him in. And pay off the flowers. And who knows what else. Plus finish school work for the semester (in like, two weeks. *_*) Then finals. And...somehow squeeze two doctor's appointments and physical therapy in there. No time, no time, no time. There is not enough time.

Oh, and we haven't heard back about the apartment yet. I told Brandon that if he doesn't hear from them by noon tomorrow, he needs to call his employer and ask them about it. So hopefully then we will get some answers. Hopefully. I am getting tired of waiting. But I want a positive answer.

I'm getting tired of waiting.

2009-11-19T21:33:00.003-05:00

Brandon got off work early so we met over at the rental office to drop off a copy of his other paycheck stub. The lady who was working took it to her office and crunched some numbers, and when she came back she didn't say "it's still not enough", which is promising. They have to send it to the company to confirm that he didn't like, quit last week or whatever. That he's still an employee. Here's the thing, though. He is, and he isn't. It was a temporary job, which he got through a placement company. The placement company still has his info, and I think that's who cut him the check, so if they get asked, he should be fine. But today was his last day on this particular job. If we get turned down, we're going to add me as a co-applicant and start the whole process over again, but they would then consider both our incomes instead of just Brandon's.

This is a very stressful time. I am trying to work to make sure I get all my schoolwork done for the semester, plus tie things up at school since I'm taking next semester off. I still have my job to focus on. And then there's making sure everything is finalized for the wedding, and trying to find a place to live, and I want to start packing and/or organizing because it's exciting and fun, but on the other hand, when do I have time to do that? "I don't", would be the responsible answer. I should be doing schoolwork, because that comes first. But it's hard to focus and hard to get motivated.

I would be extraordinarily happy if we find out early tomorrow that the apartment is a go. I don't think that will happen. I don't even know that the apartment people will hear back from Brandon's employer this week. I hope so. I seem to recall it was really difficult and time-consuming getting a hold of them to apply for the job, do the testing he needed to do, etc. Let's hope that those memories are just exaggerated in my mind and that everything was a lot smoother than I remember. Smoother and faster.

I think I need a nap. I don't think I'm going to get one. It's getting closer to 10 p.m. and I still have lots to do. And I have physical therapy super early tomorrow morning. I need to go, and in some ways I don't mind going, because it will make me feel better in the long run and I've had back problems for a while and this is a super way to get some stuff worked out and my insurance is paying for it. You know, because of getting rear ended by a bus. On the other hand, the only time I can go is the precious few hours I have before work days (exception: tomorrow), early in the morning. And it's 25 minutes away and a hastle. If it was just down the street, and I could show up whenever I wanted, I'd be happier. But whatevs. I'd rather not think about it right now.

Hopefully I will be back with good news tomorrow.

The flaw in the plan.

2009-11-19T11:14:00.004-05:00

Well, hmm.
I called Brandon yesterday on my dinner break to ask if we had by chance heard anything from the apartment people, even though they weren't supposed to call until Thursday (today). He said we did, and that they said we didn't have enough money. They only asked for one of his paycheck stubs, and the most recent one wasn't as big as his others lately because he's been working that temp job for the past few weeks. He indicated on the application that he had two employers (which was true, when we filled out the app) and so they told him to bring his paycheck stub from his other employer by, because we only needed a "little more" money. Those are Brandon's words, not mine. This is better than just rejecting us outright, but because the temp job is only for three weeks, he gets two paychecks from them. And the one he already has is not very big. So...I'm stressed. He is going to take his stub over there after work and I will go meet him and take my paycheck stub, too, because in a few weeks we will be sharing a bank account and so my money is his money, and vice versa. The problem with that is I may have to be listed as co-applicant for them to consider it, which would mean another credit check, more waiting, and an extra $50 fee. So the best case scenario is, we go over there, they glance at his other paycheck stub and say "ok, we just needed to confirm that you have a little bit extra money. This is awesome, and the apartment is yours. You can get your keys on the 11th." The next best case scenario would be for them to accept my paycheck, too, without having to go on as a co-applicant. And it goes downhill from there.
Brandon seems pretty confident that his other check will do it, but I don't know. I let myself get so excited about this apartment that I think I had tricked myself into thinking that there was no way we wouldn't get it, and that was stupid of me. So now I'm terrified and extremely pessimistic about the whole thing. There aren't that may apartments out there that we can afford, let alone that are in safe neighborhoods. This one is perfect. I see it as many answered prayers wrapped into one. But now that we have hit this little snag, my confidence is waning. Please continue to keep us in your prayers as now that we have found a place to live, we are trying to get into that place without too much hassle! Maybe I will know something by tonight. I may be back to post again.

I wrote an obituary for my fish.

2009-11-17T19:44:00.002-05:00

Today the world has lost a dear, sweet soul. Fernald the fish has gone on to the big fish bowl in the sky.

[Well, actually, now that I think of it, he's probably been dead for a few days. I just thought he was doing one of his "coma" things. It's happened before. But I digress. ]

This evening, while finally working on cleaning up my desk a bit, I noticed that there were some soggy food pellets floating at the top of Fernald's bowl. This isn't super unusual, so I decided to see if he would just like some fresh food. I wiggled his bowl a bit to wake him up, as he was...reclining on the bottom of his bowl. He does this sometimes. But he did not wiggle in reply. Remembering that he had been looking a bit peaky lately, I took an unsharpened Hello Kitty pencil from my pencil cup and gave him a poke. Still no response. I even pushed him about the bowl a bit, to no avail. There is still a chance he's snoozing, I told myself. I stared at him for a moment and noted that he was not blinking. After confirming with my father that this was not normal live fish behavior, Fernald was declared dead at 7:32 p.m. November 17, 2009. He is currently lying in state in his bowl under a pillowcase, until his interment (meaning, I don't want to flush him so I told mom to come do it.)

Fernald Jeff Goldblum Harold Ramis Meredith lived a long and exciting life. He has owned many homes in his long, three year life. He has occupied numerous bowls of various shapes and sizes, a vase or two, and two aquariums. He has had black and purple gravel and neon rainbow gravel. He raised a few plastic plants in his free time, as well. Fernald experienced a dark period of his life when I set his bowl on my bookshelf and basically forgot about him for a month or two. But he was a hearty fish, and he survived. After all, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. In Fernald's case, what didn't kill him made him a bit dull for a while. But then he got his color back.

Fernald was fond of pellets and enjoyed watching television. He enjoyed music and was an avid swimmer. He will dearly missed by his family, and his best friend, the walrus figurine which shared his tank. Fernald and his walrus spent many cold nights snuggled up together. And I am not even lying about that.

The family has chosen to have a private memorial. In lieu of flowers, expressions of sympathy may be made to the World Wildlife Fund.

*cue bagpipes playing 'Amazing Grace'*

Buzz buzz. I am a buzy bee. Except I hate bees.

2009-11-16T11:23:00.002-05:00

Before this post, I had 222 posts. That is bananas.

I am at home, taking a bit of a brake until noon, when I will start getting ready for work and such. I have actually accomplished some things today, like getting a paper notarized so I can get my check from the insurance company from when I got rear ended by that bus. I also took a shower. So that's two pretty big things off my to-do list. I have been getting really stressed out lately about the lack of time, and all the things I have to do in the coming weeks, so I've decided to make lists (including simple things like "take a shower) and take things one at a time. It helps. A little.

Today Brandon will take our deposit check to the rental office for the apartment. Then we have three business days for them to approve us. Please pray that we will be approved! Like I said before, there isn't any real reason we shouldn't be approved, but still. This apartment is a lot of answered prayers wrapped into one. It's perfect in so many ways- it's roomy, I get my second bathroom, it's in my "comfort zone" bubble (meaning it's near home), and we're getting it at a special price, and...I could go on and on but I don't want to bore you. Please pray that we will be getting some good news at the end of the week! And after that, I just need to pull off finishing up the semester, taking care of wedding things, Christmas shopping, packing, moving things in...ugh. Let's not think about it right now. Most of that is very exciting, but a bit stressful. Ok extremely stressful.

And now...I guess I will go sit and chill out for a little bit before I have to do things.

Update!

2009-11-13T17:42:00.002-05:00

Brandon and I met at the rental office for the apartment, filled out all the paperwork, signed everything....and then she asked for a check. Well, we didn't know we needed a check. Guys don't normally carry checks with them. And they couldn't take one of mine, since the apartment is in his name. So he has to zoom back over there after work on Monday, tell them his paperwork is in the desk, and drop off the check and his pay stub. Then they can process the paperwork and we should know by the end of next week if we get the apartment. I don't think there will be a problem with it, but we'd still appreciate your prayers anyway. We have a move-in date of December 11th! Ahh!

My finals are December 10th and December 12th. I think I only have one on the 10th so maybe after that I can go start sorting through stuff to move it in. Or perhaps I should study. Anyway....yay! Exciting!

Sweet!

2009-11-13T14:13:00.003-05:00

Perhaps I am posting this a bit prematurely, but...I love my apartment. And it isn't even mine yet.

Mom and I went and visited the apartment rental office today, and the lady told us that they have a special right now where we could get a better apartment (two bedrooms, two baths) for less than what we had actually come there for (two bedrooms, one bath.) So we went to look at it, and it's fabulous. Yes, it's in the older part of the complex. Yes, everything is painted tan and the microwave might be as old as I am. But I don't care. Other than that, it's perfect and I love it.

Shall I describe it for you? Ok, I will.

It has a balcony off the living room, and a dining nook (which will fit the dining room table and chairs and stuff my aunt gave us). It also has a nice sized closet and a walk-in(ish) pantry off the nook. The kitchen is a little small, but it's ok, because it has what we need. And then in the hall there's a coat closet and a linen closet. There are two full bathrooms- one across the hall from the spare bedroom, and one off the master bedroom. Both bedrooms are a really good size. And there's plenty of closet space and another linen closet in the master bedroom!

We couldn't go ahead and apply because Brandon has to be there (I need his ID and his deposit check. I have the money for the application.) And here is the issue. He is working for the temp agency this week, and next (grading standardized tests- which personally I think sounds pretty cool). Every day he gets off at 4:15. The office at the apartment place closes at 5 and they don't have weekend hours. So I called him and told him to call me immediately when he got out of work, and maybe he could run over there and meet me and we could start the application process. We still need to fax them a copy of his last pay stub, but we can do that within the three business days that it takes them to approve the application.

So...here's the dealio. I have new prayer requests. As it looks that this apartment is pretty much perfect, please pray that we will find the time (preferably today) to get over there and sign the paperwork. And that we get approved! I can't imagine why we wouldn't, but still. This is really important. And I'd appreciate your prayers. Hopefully sometime early next week I will have good news to report!

All I really want is a place to put my walruses.

2009-11-08T08:17:00.002-05:00

The wedding is one day short of being eight weeks away (whoa) and we are trying to find a place to live. I really want to live in this one apartment complex extremely close to my work. It is in between where I live now and where Brandon lives, I could walk to work, it's affordable, it's near the grocery store and all this other stuff....it's perfect. When Brandon first called about the apartment we want (the largest size one bedroom they have) they said someone was looking at the one that's available, and they could put us on a list. A month later- this past week- we called back. They don't have any one bedroom apartments available, and don't think they will for a while. They are pretty popular these days, apparently. I have been bugging Brandon lately about getting a two bedroom, because it would be good to have the extra space, but we definitely wanted to get a one bedroom if at all possible because of the cost. Well, this apartment complex has a two bedroom available. And I want it badly. Mom and I are going to go look at it Friday (Brandon has to work all week) and we'll see where things go from there.
So we are asking for prayer about this situation. I should probably be praying about God's will, but I know what my will is. Hopefully we are on the same page. My will is that this apartment will be good, and we will get it, and we will be able to afford it. If we don't get it, the affordability doesn't really matter because the other complexes we are looking at are more expensive, so we would be living in a one bedroom apartment for the same price as a two bedroom at the place we really want. Please keep us in your prayers this week and in the coming weeks as we try to get a place to live, and hopefully soon start moving some of our stuff in.

So many channels, so little to see.

2009-10-23T21:28:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry if I sounded whiny in my last post, I wasn't trying to. I was just...severely stressed. If i sit and think too long, I'll get that way again. So I'm not going to do that. I am going to take some pain meds and crawl into bed and have a little fun tomorrow- hopefully. We have a rather full schedule ahead of us: we're supposed to go look at tuxedos and take my dress to the alterations person, and we have a bunch of errands to run. The longer I stay upright, though, the worse my back hurts. Did I mention I'm having back issues? I am. I think that too much tension built up after my little fender bender with the school bus, and with my back being weird anyway (because of the rods), it just became too much. My doctor said that they're going to send me to physical therapy, which isn't so bad. Maybe I will feel even better than I have been in the past. Hopefully things improve soon, though. I missed school all last week because of it, which is bad, and it's hard sitting up to do my schoolwork (makeup work) which is also bad. Alas and alack. What does that even mean.
My shower is this weekend, so hopefully I will be back some other time to post about it. With pictures.

Wedding things.

2009-10-18T09:09:00.003-04:00

Ok, I am going to do a brief wedding post. Because it is something I have been thinking about lately. I don't think I talk about it too much because...I don't know. I guess I have a couple of reasons. I've been engaged for a long time so in some ways, the excitement part (telling everyone, etc.) has sort of died down. Plus weddings are expensive and stressful, and I don't like to dwell on those parts, but somehow whenever I get to talking too much about them, that always pops up. And the important part of the whole ordeal isn't the "wedding", which is short and followed by a party, but the "marriage". Which, at this point, is what I am more excited about. But I digress.
I am getting married on January 2nd. I like winter. I do not like summer. I thought about getting married in the spring, but so many things are happening then- my brother's high school graduation, my college graduation (which isn't going to happen on time now, but whatever), AND a wedding? Too much. Fall would be nice, but that would mean even MORE waiting. So we went with January. Because like I said, I like winter. And Brandon doesn't mind.
Winters in my state are rather unpredictable. It's not often that we get tons of snow. It can get really cold, but it never seems to snow at the right time. We hardly ever have "white Christmases". Last year we had an ice storm for some reason. And whenever it DOES start to snow, or snow is forecasted, people freak out a little bit because with our unpredictable weather, promise of half an inch of snow can suddenly turn into six inches of snow topped with ice. It's pretty lame. My point of this whole story is, I didn't really think about the weather when we were picking this date for our wedding. I don't think we'll get a big time snow, because we hardly ever do. But now certain people are talking about how some meteorologist has said that the conditions are right for us to have a winter like we did one year in the seventies, and that was the worst winter ever. Or I hear jokes like "you could have a luau themed wedding! Because wouldn't that be hilarious." Some people have actually made faces after receiving my answer to their question about when the wedding is, and rather bluntly ask "why?" It's annoying and sometimes a little hurtful. I don't like being made to feel like I'm making the wrong decision with anything. So sometimes I get a little upset when someone makes a face like I just told them I'm wearing a brown dress covered with orange puffballs.
And, just to add an extra element of excitement to the whole affair, there is a basketball game on TV that day. Not just any basketball game, but the game between one of the biggest college rivals in the country. Trust me. It's a big deal here. It's pretty dumb. I have reason to be mildly concerned that this game will have a little too much importance in the minds of certain members of the wedding party (like...the groom) on that day. On top of thinking no one (or hardly anyone) is going to come to my wedding because of some freakish snowstorm, now I've almost got myself convinced that people are going to bring little radios to the reception or watch the game on their iPhones (can you do that?) and be shouting things like they do when they watch the game at home. Or in a restaurant. Or anywhere else.

I'm pretty sure that I might be blowing things out of proportion, but like I said, it doesn't help when people you don't even know are looking horrified and pretty much criticizing you over your choice of wedding date. Oh, and the reception is going to be pretty short. We wanted an afternoon wedding, and we wanted the reception at church, so for our time slot, there is not all that much time. Wedding's at one, will be over around 1:45 or 2, then we have pictures to take, and we have to be out of the fellowship hall by 4:30. We aren't having dancing or anything- it's just a food-filled get together to say thanks to everyone for coming to our wedding and wishing us well (similar to the birthday parties I throw for myself- everyone get together and eat!) and it's not even a meal, because it's the middle of the afternoon. I don't think it will take some crazy long time. But I have heard many a comment along the lines of "where are we going after that?" Um...nowhere. You are on your own, pal. It's a wedding reception, not a gala. Not a soiree. Not dinner theater. Sorry. I have been to many weddings in my life, and only the most recent two or three have had dancing. Almost all the wedding I have ever been to have had receptions like mine. It is not that incomprehensible to me. But sometimes it does hurt my feelings when people make remarks like that.
I guess I just need to get over it and learn to ignore them, huh? Well, let me tell you something. It's getting harder and harder. For every ten comments I get about the wedding, two are excitement and happiness, three or four are " I promise not to get drunk....wait, no alcohol?....no dancing either??........hmm." And the rest are "ew, winter." Yeah. I have heard an "ew". I've also heard "oh, I would never get married there. The chapel is so ugly." So....yeah.
I think I'm done ranting for the day.

{Insert "Wheels on the Bus" parody here}

2009-10-16T15:58:00.003-04:00

I got hit by a school bus this morning! Or "bumped", as Brandon says. I was sitting at a light, minding my own business, and there was a *BOOM*! and my car lurched a bit and I was like, I think I just got hit. So when the light turned green I drove across the street to Putt-Putt and parked, and the school bus lady did, too, and got out and said she was really sorry, her foot slipped (because some bad kid was causing problems). So...her foot wasn't even on the gas, and it was loud and...lurch-y. I figure it would have been a lot worse if she was accelerating, and also if I hadn't had my foot on the break I definitely would have been pushed out into traffic. And it's a good thing that school buses have that metal bar in front of their bumper- that absorbs a lot of the impact. So I have some scratches on the back of my car and one side of my bumper is drooping slightly. After about fifteen minutes or so a very friendly police man showed up, and a few minutes after that two representatives of the school system came to make sure everything was being handled properly, and then they yelled at the kids on the bus for a while. That was nice. They totally deserved it. And then my pappaw and uncle showed up and stood around in the cold drizzle with me while everything was finished up. The whole affair took about an hour. It could have been a lot worse. I mean, a big yellow school bus versus my little escort....I think I know who would win that one. There wasn't a single nick on the bus (duh- the officer laughed and seemed a little surprised!)
Anyway. That certainly made an interesting start to my day. I left the house pretty early to go spend time with Brandon and I ended up getting there late. When I called him to ask him to call mom and tell her I got hit by a bus, for half a second it sounded like he didn't believe me. It was like, "Hey, do me a favor and call mom I got rear-ended by a school bus." "What?" "A school bus. I have to go- please call her. " "A schoolbus (with a note of disbelieving)." "Yes, ok, just call her." I think that's pretty funny.

Weekend Update (not the skit)

2009-10-15T21:21:00.004-04:00

Time is flying by! We are already halfway through October. When I worked yesterday, all the books that were checked out had due dates in NOVEMBER. What is up with that.
And there is still so much to do. Ugh.
We still have to find someone to make the cake. I have some leads, but...yeah. Same with food. And we're on a waiting list for an apartment, which is good, but the bad thing is...we're on a waiting list. For the apartment. We kind of need a place to live. Please pray that the perfect place will open up for us at the perfect time- preferably not the week before the wedding, but not so early that we have to pay an extra month or whatever in rent even though Brandon's not planning on staying there that often. That would be lame.
I have my first bridal shower next weekend. It's a little early, but December is such a busy month, and November really didn't work out. Some people have baby showers two months before their kid is born, so it's ok to have a bridal shower two months early. I assume. Having never had one before, I'm kind of winging it here. Still, it's exciting. Yay.
And...Brandon's family came over for dinner the other day. That was pretty neat. They'd never met mom before because she never went to any of Brandon's basketball games. I think we had a nice time. I made pies. Dad made spaghetti. A fun time was had by all. I assume.
Let's see....what else....hmm. I can't think of anything right now, even though I know I totally had some other things I wanted to mention. Now I can't remember them. Oh well. I'm sure I'll be back to update in another few weeks or so.

Who knows where the time goes?

2009-09-28T08:15:00.002-04:00

Time is flying by, and it's quite disturbing.
Right now my schedule is such that I only go to school two days a week (two excruciatingly long days) and I work three days a week (longer days, rather than short nights like I did during the summer.) These two things combined make my weeks FLY by. Really.
Like, today. Today I work at two, and I'll be there until nine. That's a substantial portion of my day. I force myself to get up early so I feel like I have more time at home. And yet, I always think it's not quite enough time to get much done. Then I go off to work, and boom. The day is over. Tomorrow, Tuesday, I will get up early and go to school. I will be there from about 830 in the morning, and I will get out of class at 830 at night. It takes me about half an hour to get to my car and get home. And boom. Tuesday is over. Lather, rinse, and repeat for Wednesday and Thursday, and before you know it, I finally have some free time and it's Friday! But I really have stuff I need to do. Then comes Saturday, when I'm back at work, from 9 to 5, and come home tired because it's the end of the week and I don't want to do anything because in my mind, there's not that much time before bed (even though it's like, five or six hours) and thus, I don't get much accomplished. And the next day is Sunday. And we start this whole process over again. It's scary how fast the last five weeks have gone by. I have lots of homework- one of the disadvantages of going to a liberal arts school is that while I don't have many quizzes and exams, I do have LOTS of papers to write. Just for fun, let's list them:
*1 paper left in IDC, plus a 3-page paper for any classes I miss, and I must prepare three articles per class meeting on the topic we will be discussing.
* At least 5 film reviews for my project in Christian Marriage
*A long, thorough paper for Liberalism and Conservatism, as for our class project (semester-long) we are writing a book. Really. A collection of essays. Good, long essays. And I have deadlines throughout the semester so I can't leave it for last minute.
*Two essays that are part book review, part...essay for Roaring Twenties/Great Depression (affectionately known as "Roaring Depression")
*Two collections of notes on two more books for same class, to prove that they have been read
*A biographical video project for same class, about a person from that time period.

Plus midterms and finals, etc. In some ways I'd rather have more quizzes and tests, because I am a procrastinator by nature and put off writing those papers until the last few days before they are due. On the other hand, I seldom study, and my grades would probably be worse.

Anyway, the point is, time is flying by, and my wedding is three months and change away now (insane!) and I've got stuff to take care of for that, plus school, plus we need to get an apartment and move stuff into it, plus making sure we are able to pay for things...ugh. It would be nice if I had more time, really.

Hurray for not being dead.

2009-09-15T22:09:00.004-04:00

Hello, world.
So I had pretty much the scariest weekend of my life.
Saturday night, after Kelli had gone home, I was getting ready for bed and started to feel weird. Like, I had some pressure around my tummy, and throughout my ribs. I tried all sorts of positions to get comfortable, kind of thinking I just had an air bubble trapped in there, but it wouldn't work. I accidentally dozed off for half an hour (with my arms in funny positions and an irritated doggie half on my pillow, half on my head- I guess that's the only place he felt safe from my flailing) and woke up at around 1130 in tremendous pain. I decided to move to the living room to try to sleep in the chair, and the pain was getting exponentially worse by the second. Seriously. I called mom on her cell phone and said something was wrong, and within what felt like minutes, I was in the bathroom kneeling on the floor, my ribcage feeling like it was splitting apart, heart pounding, etc. It was not a panic attack- that is a beast I know all too well. I had trouble breathing- I had to pour like, all my concentration into forcing myself to inhale. Exhaling was fine, but inhaling took tremendous effort. I honestly thought I was dying. Not breathing well was making my vision go a little funny at moments, was making it hard to concentrate on what I was saying, and was just scary. I was able to take one of my anxiety pills (for emergencies only) because really, it couldn't harm anything at this point. It could really only help me remain calm during this scary time, and I was starting to feel like I was losing control. As a person who has a permanently broken rib (from my spinal surgery), I always expect some discomfort when I've been coughing a lot- and I have been over the past two weeks or so (I've had a cold). But this was way higher than that broken rib I have, and wrapped all around my chest, my back, and under my arms, and it was excruciating. Unlike anything I have ever experienced. I honestly thought I was getting ready to or already experiencing a heart attack or something like it. I thought I was going to die. After a little while it subsided for a few minutes (after we'd already decided I needed to go to the hospital) and then started up again. So we headed off to the emergency room, my heart beating super fast, and me still scared, but not in quite as much pain as before. We waited for what felt like a long time, and got called back. I had a heart monitor and everything, and then got left alone for a while. Then the nurse came back and tested me for H1N1, just in case, and left again, and then I had a chest x-ray, and another break, and then an EKG just in case. Mom thought it was more likely that I had pneumonia than a heart condition, which is a good thing, but then again, I've had pneumonia before and it has never hurt like that, or as suddenly as that. The heart monitor showed that my heart was beating a little fast (I had calmed down more at this point) but my blood oxygen levels were good, and I hadn't had a cardiac episode. The ER doctor said I probably have pleurisy, which I thought people had in the 1800's, but I must be confusing that with something else. Anyway, we got home a little before 5 a.m. Sunday morning, and I slept most of the day. I still get kind of scared sometimes, because like I said, that was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. I appreciate knowing that if my heart really was going to, I don't know, give out, there probably would have been a sign of it in those tests they ran. But after that terrifying nightmare, even the little heaviness I have in my chest right now makes me a little upset. I don't want anything bad to happen in the middle of the night. It was scary thinking I might die and knowing that Brandon's phone was turned off, and I couldn't talk to him (not that I could really talk to him anyway, but once I'd gotten to feeling a little better it would have been nice to know that he was aware of what was going on.
Anyway, that was my weekend. My chest hurts a little right now but I'll be ok. I'm tired of coughing and just want to feel better, really. Feeling bad makes me sad. Thinking about what happened this weekend makes me sad. So maybe I will stop talking about it now. I will save my stories of wedding planning for another time.

Just call me the bluebird of happiness.

2009-09-06T18:33:00.002-04:00

It's a long weekend! And...it's been weird. Friday I was planning on spending the day with Brandon, since I hadn't seen him all week, and found out that I had to work that morning. But of course by the time Brandon was up, I was already at work and couldn't talk to him. I spent the majority of the workday very upset. Saturday I had the day off, but everyone else was feeling bad so I couldn't do anything fun. And Jonathan's friend Giselle came over, so that was pretty cool. Then today... I am coughing again (did I mention I've been sick?) and Brandon says in some ways he is feeling worse. Or different, I guess. We went to our class at church and our partner couple wasn't there. Then we went out to lunch (Taco Bell, woohoo) and it took FOREVER. They apparently forgot they were in the middle of making our order. It was annoying. And then we went to Feeder's Supply and looked at the animals, and then went to Target and worked on our wedding registry. That was sort of fun, except almost everything we scanned said "limited availability", I don't know what that means...then we went back to Brandon's house and watched a movie and then he brought me home. And when I got here, I had forgotten my keys so I hung out on the porch waiting for someone to answer the door, and when they did, Diego was trying to get out the door. I would normally put my leg up against the door frame to block him but there was a spider there that looked a heck of a lot like a black widow, so I decided not to risk getting bitten and dying, and tried to step briskly into the house. Except I was carrying a lot of stuff and my shoes are a little too big and I got my foot caught on the storm door, and it sort of got hooked for a millesecond until I could drag it out. Which hurt like crazy. So now I have this bloody stump of a foot.
And I had been looking forward to coming home all day and eating one of the last mini Oreo cheesecakes I made a few days ago. So I ate dinner, went to the fridge, and pulled out the Tupperware container they were in- and it was empty. There were three left this morning. And what kind of weirdo takes all the food and puts the empty container back in the refrigerator? I have my suspicions about who the cuprit is.
So I'm ready for today to be over. Tomorrow could go either way. Brandon works tomorrow night, but I'm supposed to go see him for a little while in the morning. But that means I have less time at home. And I have some homework to do. It's nice not to have to work tomorrow, but my hours will be weird the rest of the week because I have to make up three hours (I only get four hours holiday time for tomorrow) so I have to work on Friday, in the middle of the day for three hours, just at the right time to make me miss meeting Jonathan for lunch. Ugh. I'm tired of talking about how lame this week is. I'm going to finish this brownie sundae I made myself and watch the Golden Girls in peace. Maybe.

"Very safe, as they're both dentists." -Hermione Granger, on her parents

2009-08-25T23:52:00.003-04:00

I fell asleep before 11 p.m. tonight, which was nice. You might have noticed that I am no longer asleep. This is because my teeth hurt. Sort of.
You see, I have this sore spot on my right cheek-ly area, and then I have the occasional toothache on the left side of my mouth. The right side was hurting me before bed, and I fell asleep. But the LEFT side woke me up! Half an hour into a nice sleepy time, and I was awake. I went and got the ice pack, because I guess it was really my jaw that hurt more than anything else, and got tired of that. So I decided to go brush my teeth. I figured they would enjoy a nice toothbrush massage. Especially since my gums were kind of itchy.

I might be insane.

So I just spent almost twenty minutes brushing my teeth. Seriously. But now I am a little too awake to go back to bed, so I decided to stop by here and announce that I just brushed my teeth for a very long time. They feel nice and clean now, but my jaw is still kind of ache-y. Not nearly as bad, though.

I lead a very exciting life.

Though I am not sleepy enough to fall back asleep just yet, I am too sleepy to write about school today, so I will just say that it was basically the same as Thursday, except I had my Roaring Twenties/Great Depression class instead of the Liberalism and Conservatism one. And I get to stay in my IDC course (I got the department head's approval) and am just waiting to hear about my financial aid. And that is the end of that. I am going to lie in bed and listen to the Golden Girls and try to sleep now. Wish me luck!

My school smells like sewage. No, really.

2009-08-20T12:02:00.004-04:00

I am at school. It's lame.
I guess being here is better than being at home pondering what I would do about health insurance.

I have three classes today. The first was at 9:25 this morning. It's my senior seminar, which is going to consist of sitting around discussing controversial topics. We have to write two papers. And at the end of the semester, for our final, we write another paper. We will come in to the classroom, he will give us a topic, and we will write for a while. That's it. We have a schedule of the topics we will be discussing, and a student will have to lead the discussion for each topic. I got to choose second, out of 18. Guess which topic I chose? Bingo! Abortion. I'm looking forward to the debate, even though it's in November.

That class ended at 10:40. My next class isn't until 1:40- a three hour break! Ugh. I've already nearly run out of things to do and I have another hour and a half before I will even start walking to my class (which is just downstairs from where I am now. And where I am now is down the hall from my first class.) That class will be my theology elective, "Christian Marriage". It should be interesting, since I am a Christian and I will be getting married soon. There aren't a ton of married students here, and most of them aren't Christian. I mean, there are more Catholic students than one would probably expect, since this is a traditionally Catholic school, but for the most part, students I've overheard, or who have voiced their opinions in class, are pretty indifferent about the subject of religion. Many are downright hostile. This is one of the reasons I hate school. I wonder how many people will be in this class, since it's upper level and it's a theology course.

That class ends at 2:55. I hope we get out early. I am going to go home for a little bit, because it's another three hours until my last class of the day, which starts at 6 p.m. That's only on Thursday nights, and it's a 400-level political science course, "Liberalism vs. Conservatism". Except for the fact that it's school, and it's at night, I'm looking forward to it. It's taught by my advisor, who is really awesome and funny. He occasionally brings us candy, and the only exams we have are papers. Last semester our three exams were portions of our final paper, and for the final we put them all together and gave brief presentations to the class. We brought food- we set up a taco bar and some people (myself included) brought desserts. The professor's contribution was several bags of oddly-flavored Doritos (like "midnight snack taco something-or-other") and some candy. He sometimes splits the class up into groups and we have "discussions" which are often highly amusing. This helps, since the class is two and a half hours long.

My only other class is a Tuesday night course (6:00-8:30), "The Roaring Twenties and the Great Depression", with another one of my favorite professors. While he doesn't bring us food, we do listen to music and watch movies and stuff. He also raps and makes up parody songs. My favorite is set to the tune of "Mellow Yellow", and is about the War Amendments. Last semester I took a class with him entitled "Race Relations and Civil Rights", and we listened to a few Public Enemy songs. And in a Latin American history course I took with him, we watched a few episodes of the Travel Channel's "No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain" (who is awesome) that took place in Latin America. I like reading literature set in the Roaring Twenties (the Great Gatsby is one of my favorite books) AND the Great Depression, so I think that class will be interesting as well.

I guess coming back here isn't so bad after all. Sure, if I stay the whole semester it'll put me another $8000 in debt. Sure I'll have a lot of work to do, and sure the parking lot is too crowded. Sure there are way too many stupid freshmen wandering around, and yeah, the cafe area is insanely busy now they decided to have real food like Pizza Hut and Einstein Bros. Bagels. But it's better than going to a new school. I know all but one of my professors. The topics of my classes will be interesting, and I only have to go to school two days a week (all my classes are on Tuesdays and Thursdays.) So I guess I can cope. Probably. Eventually I need to buy my school books, though. Still don't have those yet...I'm trying to wait just a little bit to find out if my aid appeal gets approved. No point in having the books if I'm not going to be able to stay, right? Right.

There really was no point to this post. I just needed something to do. I've run out of things to do on facebook, I read all the interesting articles on the news website I frequently check, and...I'm bored. And it's another hour and twenty five minutes until my next class. I'm ready for a nap.

140 ish days until Disney!

2009-08-16T21:26:00.003-04:00

We booked our honeymoon today!
We reserved our flight and paid a deposit on our Disney trip. We will be staying in the Pop Century resort, which is one of the newest ones. It just opened six years ago, so it's a little nicer than the other value resorts in that the furniture is newer and the TVs are bigger. I'm very excited about going! We will spend a day in each park, and we've opted for the quick-service dining plan. You do save money with the dining plans, but a.) the regular one just had too much food, and b.) all four times I've gone to Disney, I think we only ate at the table service restaurants twice. And both times were when I was seven. So it's a lot cheaper this day- we get two quick service (i.e. "fast food") meals, and two snacks per day. A snack can be an ice cream, a piece of fruit, popcorn, a bottled water, etc. All we'd have to pay for is breakfast (which some days the "snack" is just fine for me) and anything else we might want to eat.
It'll be weird flying down there because I have only flown once, and that was about ten years ago. I flew to Atlanta to visit my aunt and uncle and new baby cousin (who is now entering the fifth grade!) And then I wasn't responsible for my bags and getting myself places on time...we will see how that goes. Thankfully Brandon is very organized and generally punctual. I know on our way down to Florida we have like, 36 minutes to get to our connecting flight. But on the way back we have a few hours to kill in the Atlanta airport. Again, I haven't been there for about ten years, either. But from what I remember, it was very nice.

Blondies are called blondies because they aren't brownies.

2009-08-15T20:02:00.002-04:00

I bet you've been wondering what I've been up to lately. Well, I'll tell you.

Work is supremely boring. There is not much to do except stare at the stuff we will have to deal with some time next week (hopefully) when our computer systems are back up.

Brandon and I went to meet with the associate minister at his church on Thursday about performing our wedding at my church. He's basically ok with it. There are a few things we need to do but he went ahead and put us on his calendar.

After this visit Brandon was in a good mood and was very nice to me. Which was cool.

We also had a long talk with his parents that night after dinner (tacos!) about wedding stuff. This was also cool.

Tomorrow we have our second "marriage class" which is fine, except I am sleepy and...yeah. It's a lame excuse for not wanting to go but I'm being honest. It'll all be fine, though.

Tomorrow we are probably going to go ahead and book our honeymoon. We definitely need to go ahead and book our flight, anyway, so we kind of figured, while we were at it, why not go ahead and book the trip? That way we can go ahead and set up our honeymoon registry, which is a cute idea even if no one shops off it (it would help, though!)

Also we are going to go do a tiny bit of shopping for the numerous baby showers we have been invited to at the end of the month. We will sadly be unable to attend, but will still send presents!

And I'm dealing with stupid stuff from school. All I'm going to say is I am starting to miss the simplicity of going to a small school like Bellarmine.

Also I made brown butter toffee blondies last night, because baking makes me feel less stressed. And I wanted something sweet...they were really good! And easy to make! I will put the recipe on here sometime soon.

I think that is everything. It's been a slow week in some ways, because every minute I have spent at work has felt like an hour. It's excruciating at times. But we occasionally find ways to have fun. But it also feels like this week has flown by, because...well, it just does. I can't explain it. Life has been moving pretty fast lately, it seems. Maybe part of it's because I work at a library- we're always thinking three weeks ahead (the books that were checked out today are due September 5th! SEPTEMBER!!! What is up with that? Didn't January just happen?!) Oh well.

I think I'm going to go back to sitting on my bed staring at my floor now. That's what I was doing before I came over to write this. Things are just kind of boring at the moment. A good tv show comes on in a little less than an hour, so I can listen to that and maybe I will do something productive like work on my room.

An update.

2009-08-11T08:07:00.002-04:00

Howdy.
I hadn't posted in a while so I thought I would take the time to do so while I was waiting to stop feeling nasty (I always do in the morning. It's weird.)

I almost have all the save-the-date cards finished for our side of the family. Honestly I was hoping to have them done last week, but it just didn't work out that way. Then I am taking the leftovers (more than half) to Brandon's for his family to send off to whomever they wish.

We started our first week of marriage classes at church this past Sunday. It was very quiet. It looks like things will be ok. There are maybe eight or nine other couples in the class, and oddly enough, one couple is comprised of library employees (one of whom used to work at my branch- I got his job when he left!) We got a binder with worksheets to do for "homework" and a copy of a book called Marriage God's Way. The chapter titles of this book are the titles of each week's classes. I actually bought the book at Half Price Books a while back on a whim- it was on the clearance shelf for $1. Not bad. Anyway, we will see how next week goes, since the guy who normally teaches the class wasn't there this past week and someone filled in for him.

Brandon checked out the website for a company that offered him an internship thing during the school year, and applied for two of their open positions. Apparently they called him yesterday but he didn't answer because he was at work. When they offered him the internship last fall, I was under the impression that this was actuarial work, but apparently I was mistaken. It's just office work. But if it's full time, it's still better than what he has now, and it's still a start. He's going to call them back today. Hopefully he will get some good news. We need a little more money, since we need to start looking at apartments soon!

I didn't do a post about it, but my mom did. Our city was hit by flash floods last Tuesday and the downtown area got most of the damage- particularly the Main branch of the library. The damage estimate is now up to $5 million. We have lost an estimated 50,00 books (the processing center for new books was underwater, as was the sorting area- Main is the central hub for books passing between branches. Everything is sorted out there, then sent on to where it belongs, or wherever someone has something reserved. In addition, all the branches sent down all their graphic novels the week before in preparation for an Anime convention, and those were all lost.) All three Bookmobiles were destroyed, as was a brand new work truck, and more than 200 computers (many of which were brand new and awaiting delivery to the new branch we are opening, and extras for when ours break down.) The structural damage is pretty bad, too. The heating and air conditioning units were ruined, as was this chiller thing which prevents mold (which as I'm sure you can imagine, isn't very good for books.) The Main branch is one of the historic Carnegie libraries, and it's been around for more than a century. Now some of the walls are starting to buckle. But probably the biggest inconvenience is the loss of our computer systems. All the servers were housed at Main. They were under at least four feet of water when we heard from Computer Services early Tuesday morning. This means that our common hard drive is lost, we don't know the state of our entire card catalog (literally millions of items, housed in sixteen branches throughout the city) and none of the branches is able to log onto either the library program, or the patron program which allows people to come in and use our computers. What does this mean? Well, hardly anyone is coming into the library, for one thing, and for another, we are only able to check out by typing the patrons' library card numbers and the barcodes from the back of their items into Microsoft Word. We can't print their ticket with their due dates on it. We can't place anything on hold. We can't take money for late fees, and we can't check anything in. What are we doing with the items people are turning in, you ask? Putting them in boxes. Our workroom in the back of our library has two individual offices: one for the manager, one for the full-time reference librarian and the full-time clerk to share. Neither rooms are very big. My manager's office is full of about forty cardboard boxes from the stuff people returned on Tuesday. The other office is full of about thirty five boxes of items from Wednesday. After that, we moved on to filling up the meeting room. I didn't work on Thursday or Friday, and when I came in on Saturday, I discovered we were almost out of boxes- someone had gone down to the liquor store in the shopping center and got their extras. So we are storing books in boxes for rum and tequila and who knows what else. We don't know when the computers will be back up- when they are, it will be crazy. We will have to type into the system everything that people returned, and everything people checked out. We will have to find a place for all the items that belong to our branch, and we will have to send off the items that are going back to other branches. I don't know how long it will take for them to pick them up, though, because the sorting area at main is still heavily damaged, and we lost a work truck. Then when our stuff comes back, we will have to put it all away- after checking it in. When things are backed up at Main, we might get a big delivery of items- 8-12 bins of stuff coming back to us, plus items people have reserved (the Tuesday of the flood, we got 11 bins of those). I can only imagine what it will look like when we get a week's plus worth of delivery. Thankfully we will have two employees from Main helping us out through the rest of the month, as they can't go back to their library right now. Though at the moment, there isn't a whole lot for them to do.
In short, things are bad. Things MIGHT be back to normal by the end of 2009 or early 2010. And by normal, I include some people sifting through all the ruined books (many of which are unrecognizable), finding out to which branches they belonged, getting them out of the system, and ordering replacements. It's going to be horrible work. And that's all I have to say on the matter right now.

Lime Pie

2009-08-01T17:49:00.002-04:00

Hey-o. I made pie yesterday. I was going to make two: make one, try it out, then make another today and take it to Brandon's. But I got frustrated a couple of times making yesterday's pie and decided not to make another one today. Anyway, I hear the pie is really good (it wasn't frozen enough last night and I didn't want to have any before work this morning.) So I decided to share the recipe with you, even though it isn't my recipe.

You will need:

1 pre-made graham cracker crust (I found one from Keebler, I think, that was extra big. "Two extra servings!" it said. Go with this if you can find it.)

For the filling:

6 extra-large egg yolks, at room temperature (separate them while they're cold!)
1/4 cup sugar
1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
2 tablespoons grated lime zest
3/4 cup freshly squeezed lime juice (4 to 5 limes)

For the topping:

2 cups cold heavy cream
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 tsp. pure vanilla extract
Thin lime wedges

Beat the egg yolks with the sugar on high speed for 5 minutes, until thick. With the mixer on medium speed, add the condensed milk, lime zest, and lime juice. Pour into the pie shell and freeze for a few hours, until firm.
To make the topping, beat the cream on high speed (or with a whisk, but this will take a loooong time) until soft peaks form when the beaters are pulled away. Add the sugar and the vanilla and beat until firm. Spoon or pipe onto the pie and top with very thin lime wedges (if you want.) Freeze overnight.

This recipe comes from Ina Garten, of Food Network. But I doubled the recipe for the whipped cream because it didn't make enough to cover the entire pie. If you use a smaller pie shell, you will have too much filling. So I improvised a little. Bigger pie crust, more whipped cream, and supposedly, two extra slices of pie. We'll see how that works out. Also she calls this "frozen key lime pie" but it's not made with key limes, which come from the Florida Keys. So...it's Mexican Lime Pie, technically, since the limes I got came from Mexico. If they were Kentucky limes I could call it Local Lime Pie. You get the idea.

And finally, yes, this pie contains raw eggs, but as long as you aren't pregnant, very young or very old, and don't have a compromised immune system, it's no big deal. Just don't make a habit of eating handfuls of raw eggs every day, I guess.

The weekend.

2009-07-27T16:14:00.002-04:00

Yesterday we had a long talk with Brandon's parents about wedding stuff. We went over what we thought the cost of some things are going to be, when we need a final list of who all needs an invitation, who's going to be in the wedding party, etc. It was kind of fun, but I think I'm finally starting to feel a little wedding related stress. There's a lot to get done, and much of it has to be done pretty soon, like booking a photographer and ordering flowers. We need to pick out what food we want for the reception, and decide where we're having the rehearsal dinner, and mail the invitations, and a lot of other stuff. There's a lot to do, but it can be done, I'm sure. I still have, what, five months? Ugh.

On an unrelated note, my stomach has been very upset since late last night, and I'm having some issues. I'm not anxious, I just feel pretty nasty, and I'm not looking forward to working tonight. I need to print some stuff off for school, too. I am working with friendly people, however, so hopefully things won't be too bad. If you think of it, say a prayer for me. I'd really like to be able to eat a little something some time tonight without feeling terrible afterwards. I don't dare eat anything before work, though.

Speaking of prayer, Stellan could use some right about now. Stellan is a little boy in Minnesota with heart problems. He is a miracle baby. And his story is really cool (people all over the world have taken pictures of his name. Maybe it will be made into a book some day.) Stellan's story has gained some fame both at home and abroad. He has been doing well since July 4th but this weekend he was put in the hospital and things don't look good. I was really worried something terrible would happen in the night, and I know I wasn't the only one. Earlier today he was flown to a hospital in Boston, where he can get special treatment. This is good news and bad. It's good because earlier they were thinking he might not be well enough to make the trip, but it's bad because it means he's in really bad shape. Please pray for little Stellan, and for his family (he has three brothers and sisters all aged four and under, and two parents who love him very much and are really stressed out right now.)

Weren't we supposed to dye my hair today?

2009-07-26T21:41:00.002-04:00

*I've decided to tweet the entire Harry Potter series. I am now on page two. And I have all the chapter art so I can change my userpic to match the chapter I am relaying.

*I get really bored sometimes.

*I forgot to take my reflux medicine this morning but thought I would be OK without it since I took a Zantac at midnight last night. You know, the Zantac I'm not supposed to have to take because I have prescription reflux medication. However...I feel awful. My esophagus is on fire and I'm a little nauseous. I took another Zantac. It's not helping.

*Feeling bad is making me fidgety and undecisive. I can't focus. I tried playing my game, watching TV, buzzing around online... and the nasty feeling I have is distracting me from all that.

*I'm kind of sleepy.

*I work three nights this week plus all day Saturday.

*Saturday is the summer reading finale. This is bittersweet. On one hand, we get sno-cones and it marks the end of the craziest time of the year. On the other, next are the first few weeks of school and those are busy as well. Also Saturday is going to be INSANE. But...we've had fewer kids participate than in years past. I find that odd because it gives parents a free way to distract their kids (important during these economic times, in addition to the fact that libraries around the country are seeing upswings in circulation because people can't afford to buy books...) and they get free stuff (a backpack with passes to the planetarium, some sports games, free ice cream, etc.)

*My esophagus really hurts.

*Brandon got a letter saying he probably didn't pass his actuarial exam. Apparently he was not super surprised by this, he just didn't relay that to me. I am rather depressed about it.

I think that's all I have to say for now.

Hyperbole is my middle name.

2009-07-23T01:03:00.003-04:00

You know what, my life is just horribly unfair. That's it. And I'm tired of it.

The unfair part. Not, you know, life.

I wish that the things you type had some kind of accenting feature when you are practically stabbing the keys on the keyboard because you are so angry. Or, I am so angry. You know what I meant.

So remember how I said I called Brandon? And how I was worried and just wanted to talk to him? Well guess what. He apparently called like two minutes after I called him. Only AT&T is the dumbest company in the world and poisons customers' phones so as soon as the warranty is up they stop receiving calls and can't hardly ever get a signal if they need one and also their voice mails arrive A WEEK LATE. The phone didn't ring. I waited and waited and the phone didn't ring.
I get off the computer about 25 minutes after calling Brandon, and go to set the alarm on my phone- because I am expecting to be very tired in the morning and probably won't hear my alarm clock by itself. And I see it: ONE MISSED CALL.

My life is unfair.

I called back and he's already turned his phone off. So maybe I possibly started talking to my phone (and AT&T) in a loud and angry manner. And possibly also at this point I was crying. OK, sobbing. And I guess someone heard me because mom called me to ask what was wrong. OK, AT&T, put THAT call through but not the one I really wanted (no offense, mom.) I know she thinks I'm being stupid but I don't care. I freaking hate AT&T and apparently they work better than pretty much any other provider. Which is pretty sad, if you ask me, because THEY ARE HORRIBLE . And some day, when some other, better cell phone service company comes along, and I switch to them, I will sit down and write AT&T the angriest angry letter they have ever received, full of angry, multi-syllable words that they will have to have a dictionary to understand. A pox on their houses. I hate them all.

So now we have pretty much guaranteed that it will be HOURS until I can go to sleep, because now I am crying and very upset and not so tired anymore. Also my stomach hurts now. My life is very unfair.

I know I'm being dumb but I don't care. I have been this way for years, and while I haven't always had someone I wanted to call just in case I kicked the bucket in the middle of the night (I'm charmingly paranoid about these things) I do now and I'm mad because I can't get a hold of him. I'm mad because the phone didn't even beep to tell me I'd missed a call. It was like it was keeping that information from me on purpose, and just to spite me, when I opened the phone and went under the menu thing to set the alarm, it just happened to remember that someone had called for me a long time ago, and wouldn't I like to call them back now that they won't answer? Curse you, little pink phone. I hate you sometimes. Like now.

I don't even have a voicemail to listen to. Or maybe I do, I just won't get it until the middle of next week.

I'm mad. And I'm pouting and I'm starting to ramble.

Do me a favor. If I die in my sleep tonight, from a heart attack or a ruptured spleen or Ebola or whatever, somebody please, please find out where the CEO of AT&T lives and throw eggs at his house. And say something mean about them in my obituary, too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And just so you know, I wrote six HUGE paragraphs about why going to the doctor is not only unnecessary but also has generally been a waste of my time during my entire life. But I cut them out. Maybe I'll post them another time. Anyway, I'm going to go get in bed and read since, as I said, it will be a long time before I will be able to sleep. At least I've stopped crying. Sort of.

I'm tired.

2009-07-23T00:26:00.003-04:00

Wow, it has been...days since I posted.

Things have been OK. I am having a lot of trouble sleeping. It's making me tired during the day. Also my hips have been hurting a lot lately. But my tummy's been OK, and I haven't had any problems with my anxiety. That's nice. I still get a little nervous before work, but I think that's more because I'm afraid that I will have some mild issue and, I don't know, spend two minutes in the bathroom and get in trouble. It's frustrating. But things have been fine, honestly. I work a little longer day tomorrow, and I'm not looking forward to that, but whatever.

Anyway, part of the reason I'm up now is because I'm having a fluttery feeling in my chest. I'm pretty sure it's blood sugar related (not being able to sleep lately has had me a bit off). And I've had it before, but it's kind of scary sometimes when I'm the only one up, and whatnot. It's stupid but whenever I feel weird in the middle of the night I always call Brandon. Ever since I was little and saw some commercials and TV shows about things like heart attacks and appendicitis I can sometimes go a little overboard caring about a funny feeling or a twinge of pain in my side. It's dumb, I know. I'll be the first to admit it. But I still feel funny, and it's still the middle of the night, and I'm still alone. I called Brandon and his phone rang, which means he's probably up, but he didn't answer. It could be that he forgot to turn his phone off. Or he could be taking a shower or doing chores or something, and not have his phone with him. Still...I wish he'd call back. I'd probably feel a little better.

Nothing really to report on the job front, speaking of Brandon. Well, he's pretty much got that temp job lined up but it's like 25 hours a week and it's just office work. Nothing in his field. Still, we will take what we can get.

I think I might try to sleep again. Hopefully I will feel better soon. I'm not optimistic, though. And I need a Kleenex. Just FYI.

Oops. Again.

2009-07-18T10:06:00.002-04:00

Ugh, I feel awful.
For one, I could not sleep last night. I remember it turning 2:45. Maybe I fell asleep after that, maybe I just stopped looking at the clock. I have no idea why I couldn't sleep. I know some time after midnight my chest was feeling funny, and that probably kept me awake. I know some time after 1 I got up and got some ice chips because my reflux was bothering me so my stomach was a little upset. Well, then I had my alarm set for 8:30 so I could have time this morning to get up and do what I needed to do, and I jerked awake at a few minutes till 10. I guess I turned my alarm off? I didn't want to get up this late, because I have to wait a while after getting up to eat, and I had actually planned on eating "lunch" around 10 or 10:30. Now I'm not really sure what I'm going to do. I will probably leave around noon or 1 p.m. to go run my very brief errands on the way to Brandon's house. I'm really rather nervous about this evening.
I think I will go lie back down and rest a little bit. Hopefully I won't fall asleep. But my stomach's being weird, and my head hurts. I don't really feel like being upright right now.

Everybody's working for the weekend...except me!

2009-07-17T22:36:00.002-04:00

It was nice to have the day off today. I'm sure it will be nice to have the day off tomorrow. I have to admit, though, I am kind of worried about it. Tomorrow is Brandon's cousin's wedding. I'll be expected to, you know, eat. But I've had a good week, and I've felt fine most of the time, so I think that will help. Brandon expects me to come over to his house really early tomorrow- like, in the morning. Even though the wedding is at 5:30. I think I will probably stay home until early afternoon, though, because I have some things to do and I would like to spend some time at home before heading off for all that adventure. Plus I have to pick up my medicine in the morning since I neglected to do so today. Also I left all my ice at work. And I need to go get my ice containers so they don't freeze up too much before Monday.
We are still waiting to hear back about the two jobs Brandon has applied for. And that's all I'm going to say about that because I am antsy and frustrated (not with him, mind you.)
And...I think that's about it. This is supposedly my 200th post. That's a lot. I half-heartedly tried to find a nifty survey to post, but there weren't any good ones floating around facebook. So...yeah #200. Here is a commemorative quick and boring post. I think I'm ready for bed.

It was always burning since the world was turning...

2009-07-16T12:29:00.004-04:00

I think I'm on track for having an ok week. Well, at least when it comes to my stomach, anxiety, etc.
Yesterday we went to Rebecca's to see my dress (since it came in like, a month ago) and shoes and veil. My dress is awesome! I want to wear it all the time. And the shoes look perfect with it (mom has some pictures on her blog.) They accidentally sent like a jeweled headband thing instead of my veil, though, so they're sending it back and they'll get the right one in soon, hopefully. Then after that we went to the fruit market and I got some really amazing gouda and pecan spread. It's yummy. I plan on eating more of it later. Work went fine last night, too. I felt fine, even though it was a slightly longer day than usual. After tonight I'm done for the week, which is cool. My boss mentioned earlier in the week that she was jealous that I had the weekend off (which pretty much never happens, as I always work Saturdays- I guess because no one else wants to. Even when I'm out of school, expect to see me working on Saturdays.) I told her that working four nights in a row (which NO ONE ever does) isn't really a picnic. She said she hadn't thought of that. Hopefully next time she schedules me to have a weekend off, she'll think of it. Because it's exhausting.
Today Brandon took his first actuarial exam. I'm sure he did well. He always does. Hopefully we will soon hear something about that open job position I wrote about a few weeks ago. He's working on getting another job lined up with a temp agency, too. This of course is our second choice, in the long run, but it is full-time (we need the money) and it has benefits (he needs the insurance.) I have never known a temp before. I told him I was going to start calling him "Temp", a la The Office, and then I started singing "Brandon started the fire!" (If you haven't seen The Office you won't understand any of that, but trust me, it's hilarious.)
And now I think I'm going to take myself a nap. Even though I didn't fall asleep until late last night, and I woke up briefly at 7 a.m., I still slept until almost 10. I don't know why I'm so tired. It might be the allergy medicine, but that doesn't explain why it's so hard for me to wake up in the morning. It might be because it's so hot and warmth makes me sleepy. I don't know. I did some shopping this morning and it's hot outside and I don't have air conditioning, so I'm pretty sure that's part of the reason why I'm tired right now. Oh well.

Briefly.

2009-07-14T21:54:00.001-04:00

I thought for the most part today was great. I've felt fine all day, no tummy troubles, no anxiety. I even worked a really long shift at work without any problems. But some stuff happened at work that depressed me and I don't want to talk about it. So I will just say I am thankful that I felt good today, and hey, let's keep it up tomorrow, Jesus. Ok?

"It's...baconlettuceandpotato." -Rose Nylund

2009-07-14T10:38:00.002-04:00

Yesterday ended kind of surprisingly. The day ended up getting worse. I of course started feeling sick around an hour before I went to work. Fifteen minutes before I was supposed to leave I put down my book and started getting my stuff together to leave. I filled one pocket with mints, and went to get my little book of Bible verses. It wasn't on my nightstand where it normally is. I looked around on the desk, in my purse, and in the bag I had taken to Brandon's on Sunday. Still no notebook. I got down on the floor and looked under the bed (which, of course, made my black dress pants covered in dog hair...) No notebook. I called mom, starting to freak out a little, because I was starting to believe that this was a sign I would get sick at work that night. After a few minutes of running around I remembered a post I did in June with a bunch of my favorite verses from my little notebook. I could print it out! Problem solved, right? So I tell Jonathan to get off the computer in the kitchen because I had to print something very important. I now had ten minutes before I had to leave. Jonathan had been playing his game on the computer, and that made it run INCREDIBLY slow. Like, I was amazed. And yelling at the computer. And yeah, I cried a little. I was stressed and incredibly worried and by the time the printer finally spit out my piece of paper, I was two minutes later than I wanted to be leaving the house. Then on the way out the door I couldn't find my keys. They had fallen down behind the little table by the front door. More crawling on the floor, more dog hair. I get outside and it's incredibly hot. I still don't have air conditioning in my car. Within two minutes I'm feeling gross because it's so hot. And then it took more than fifteen minutes getting to work because traffic was bad and everyone was driving slow and we hit every red light. When I finally got to work, it wasn't early. What was the point of leaving the house half an hour early to read and take medicine and calm down if I wasn't going to get there until a few minutes before time to work?
Things went kind of ok at work. For almost an hour I was feeling gross. I stayed calm, but I had to take three doses of this anti-nausea medicine I had and I had to leave the desk a few times. Kelli even showed up at the library and I was still feeling bad when she was there. Eventually, though, around 6:30 I felt better. Kelli stayed for a really long time and I gave her a tour of the Dewey decimal system. The fact that she visited helped make up for the fact that my aunt and cousin didn't get to come up and visit me (they weren't able to get a flight until this morning). Which, when I found out, made me really upset because it was just one more thing that went wrong in a short span of time.
And so we arrive at this morning. I work from 1:30-9. Grosssss. I don't know why my schedule is this wacky this week: unbelievably pointless short evening, excruciatingly long day. Ew. I've gotten to the point where I hate long days. I used to try to have as many long days as possible during the summer, so I'd only work like, three days a week. But now I'd rather have short days, because I don't have to be there so long. I'm actually pretty nervous about this afternoon and evening. But I digress. I tried getting up before 8 a.m. so I could have more time before I went to work. I kept resetting the alarm though, and didn't get up until a quarter til 10. Wow. I don't know what gets into me sometimes, I just feel like I'm slipping in and out of a coma and I can't wake up. And of course now it's almost 11, which means there's only two hours until I have to leave for work, and I won't get back home again for a really long time. There goes my day...it's pretty sad.
I'd better get off here because I'm pretty sure there are some things I'm supposed to be doing. But I don't remember what they are so I should probably call mom and find out. If you think about it, say a prayer for me this afternoon, because like I said, I really am worried about working for so long tonight.

Don't you wonder sometimes 'bout sound and vision?

2009-07-13T11:03:00.002-04:00

It's not even noon and I've kind of written off today. I set my alarm for 7:30, thinking if I wanted more sleep I could hit snooze until 8. I ended up sleeping fitfully through the night, and waking up before 7 feeling sick (surprise). I woke up, got a few ice chips, went to the bathroom, and then went back to lay down. I ended up getting up a little after 9, I think. It's hard to remember because mom came in to talk to me about the air conditioning thing being frozen, and I needed to get up and turn it back on and go outside and see if the thing was frozen. After I took care of all that it turned out that it was probably still frozen on the inside some, so I had to turn the air conditioning back off again. Which meant that my room got really hot (it's always like, 5-10 degrees hotter in my room than the rest of the house.) Then I decided to eat lunch for breakfast a little before 10. I had some chips and queso left over from Friday. They went ok Friday, but apparently not today, because I have a really bad stomach ache now. And I've been dealing with it for half an hour. It's making me very fidgety. Lie down, try to read, get up, get some ice, back to bed, sit up and read, get up, go to the bathroom, repeat. It's annoying. And...it hurts. And I'm not happy about it. I hope things go ok at work tonight. Maybe that's part of the reason I don't feel well. Maybe I've already started worrying about tonight. I'm not working very long, and I'm really looking forward to my aunt and cousin visiting me, but I'm also thinking about how I felt fine on Saturday up until late that afternoon and I got really sick. Even though I worked through it and stayed at work, it was pretty horrible and embarrassing and stressful. And I'm not happy about the fact that I was away from the desk for so long. I don't want to get in trouble. I'm so paranoid....
Anyway. The only reason I'm posting is because I wanted to try to keep calm since my stomach's upset. It's sort of working. But I still feel nasty. Ugh. I'm tired of it. It's not quite time to take another Benadryl but I might have to. I have no idea why my allergies are so bad- they're usually at their worst in the spring. I can't ever remember having this much trouble in the summer, or for so long. It's bizarre. And annoying. And it makes me sick to my stomach.

Last night I made myself a to-do list. I need to take a shower before work, take out my trash (the dogs keep getting into it), take back a bunch of library books, cut Polo's hair, and I needed to wash towels, because I found a bunch of them at the bottom of my hamper. I can't wash the towels because with the air conditioning being dumb, it would heat up the house too much. My library books are ready to go. Right now I'm too tired to take a shower, and I've kind of stopped caring about the rest. I think I will go ahead and take that other Benadryl and maybe take a nap. Isn't that dumb? Taking a nap not too long after one woke up in the first place?

I'm ready for dinner.

2009-07-12T18:27:00.002-04:00

What an interesting weekend it's been. Things have been fine, for the most part, except for a span of about an hour Saturday afternoon. After I got off work I came home and waited for Brandon to come over. He was running late, and when I called him (three times) he didn't answer. Then I get a call from an unknown local number, and it's him. He locked his keys in his car at the gas station and walked all the way down to the AutoZone by my house to call me so I could drive him back up there to wait for his mom (whom he had also called), as she was bringing a spare key. Did I mention my car still doesn't have air conditioning? We waited for about twenty minutes or so in the gas station parking lot with the windows rolled down and the moon roof open and it was still icky. But it could have been worse. After all that we went back to my house, ate dinner and watched two movies. Then Brandon went home and I fell asleep.
I slept kind of late this morning (accidentally) and went over to Brandon's house a little later. As we didn't really have any movies to watch, we just watched about...six or seven episodes of Joan of Arcadia. We are almost finished with the first season. Sadly there is only one to go after that. We are at the point in the series where things stopped being quite so original and thought provoking, and the show begins to center around teenage drama. It was still a good show- much better than most of the shows on TV today geared toward the same audience. But still. It was sad to see it go.
This week I work four nights in a row (no comment) and have the weekend off for Brandon's cousin's wedding on Saturday. Hopefully things will go well at work. I work two short nights (short enough that it's kind of weird bothering to come in to work at all) and two very looooong days. Those I'm not too excited about. But this week will have its bright spots. My aunt and cousin are coming in from Georgia and I'm very excited to be seeing them. Brandon takes his first actuarial exam on Thursday (prayers are requested, please) and taking one of these exams will greatly improve his chances of getting a good job. It's a long process, though. The way I understand it, one doesn't generally finish ALL the exams until about ten years before one is ready to retire...but still. Your salary increases with each exam you pass, and a lot of companies will pay for study material and stuff. That's kind of neat.
And...that's about it. I need to go shopping sometime this week for some school supplies for the backpack drive at church. Last year Kelli and I bought a bunch of brand new backpacks at Target for around $3 a piece, because it was end-of-season clearance. Our church is collecting new backpacks, with some basic school supplies (like pencils and glue sticks and folders) this weekend and next. So I'd better get on the ball. These things have been in my closet for almost a year and I'll be glad to send them off on their way to some kids who need them. Also sometime this week I HAVE to find something for Brandon's cousin. There are still some reasonably priced muffin pans left on one of her registries. Maybe I'll find the time to go pick them up sometime this week. Otherwise we'll have to go the gift card route.

I might be dull.

2009-07-10T22:57:00.002-04:00

After a not-so-happy night and not getting to sleep until almost 3 a.m. (not because I was feeling sick or anything) I had a really good day today. I slept kind of late, but then when I got up I actually got some stuff done, which included leaving the house (yay, me!) I went to Half Price Books to sell a set of books I bought at work, along with some other random things. This set of books sells for an average of $89.99 on eBay. For everything I sold today, I got $11.00. Wow. Depressing. I didn't think I'd get as much as the eBay asking price, but I figured at least $20 for the set of books alone. I was planning on buying dinner with it. I spent almost all the money I got on children's paperbacks for the library (I got 18 of them for about five dollars, and I got myself a two dollar Gryffindor notebook. Also, I'd like to point out that blogger recognizes "Gryffindor" as an actual word and doesn't do that little squiggly red underline thing.)
After that I went to LifeWay to visit mom for a moment and look for a wedding gift for Brandon's cousin. I was thinking a nice picture frame or something similar. No offense LifeWay, but all the wedding stuff you have right now is really ugly. And/or tacky. Anyway. I didn't get anything. I'm out of ideas so I guess we'll get her a gift card. Then after that disappointing shopping trip I went home and ate some chicken fingers for lunch. Then cleaned my room. And Kelli came over and we watched Muppet Treasure Island and some other random stuff and had Qdoba for dinner. I haven't had any anxiety issues today, really, but I have had some trouble swallowing. Like I stopped eating lunch and dinner earlier than I expected because of this. And then I had a brief time of tummy trouble after dinner but it wasn't a big deal.
And now...I am exhausted and I'm going to bed. I work a full day tomorrow, and hopefully that will go smoothly. Then Brandon's meeting me after work and we're running to Wal-Mart to find a cd case (I don't know why he wants one all of a sudden but whatever) and coming home to watch a movie. I'm looking forward to that.

Polo says it's time for bed.

2009-07-09T21:26:00.002-04:00

Tonight went fairly well. I was quite pleased. I left the house AN HOUR EARLY (much to my chagrin...) and headed off to Walgreen's to get this over the counter nausea medicine thing. Also I got some gum and Junior Mints. Then I went from there straight to work. I was twenty minutes early (traffic was kind of iffy and it took me longer than I thought it would at Walgreen's, so it was good that I left early.) I sat in the back and read for a while, and took some of this medicine. Let me pause to say that it worked well, but it was mainly sugar. Like, a serving is around 5 ml, and it says that 1.87 of that is dextrose and another huge percentage is fructose, then cherry flavoring and color and something else. I don't know why it's so sweet. Maybe all the sugar helps your stomach? Who knows. Anyway, it didn't taste bad, but it did taste strange. And even tough it wasn't strong like cough syrup, it still burned a little to swallow it because, well, it wasn't water. Everything but water seems to agitate my esophagus lately. But I digress.
I was feeling a little shaky for a half hour, then I started having trouble with my sinus drainage and sent mom a text message asking her if she could bring me some Sprite when she came up to the library. I knew it would burn like nobody's business going down, but I thought it might help to clear up all that stuff I was choking on. Of course, by the time she got there I didn't really need it anymore. I took a sip anyway and it hurt like crazy. Maybe I will never be able to drink sodas again...that makes me sad.
So after work I came home and ate some of this turkey roll-up thing I got at Wal-Mart earlier with Brandon, and I think I drank my ice water too fast because I'm not feeling so swell. Not bad, necessarily, but I'm having trouble swallowing and my stomach feels...iffy. We will see where this goes.
Brandon's work schedule got changed so now he's expecting me to come over tomorrow, except I already have plans. I have to go to Half Price Books and sell some stuff so I will have money to get us some dinner tomorrow night (Kelli is coming over), plus I'm tired of the big box of books being in the back of my car. Then I have to stop by LifeWay and get Brandon's cousin a wedding present (she is getting married next weekend and a lot of the stuff left on her registry is a tad bit out of my price range.) Then I have to come home and clean my room. My desk is a mess, I have to do laundry and vacuum, and I still haven't found the remote for my DVD player. And I'm sure that in there somewhere I will have to take a nap or three (I have been so tired lately!) We will see. Perhaps tonight I will get to feeling guilty enough about not only skipping out on the few hours we were supposed to spend together today (instead of watching our netflix movie, he had to take me to the doctor) but also not being with him tomorrow, and I just might end up paying him a visit. We will see. I'd really rather stay at home. Probably.
I am going to go make my bed and get some stuff ready for sleepy time (I have to take medicine! Yay. Benadryl, acid reducer, and probably some of that sugary nausea-fighting syrup). And my eyes are burning because they are tired.
All in all I am very thankful that I had such a good, trauma-free evening at work. And I pray that tomorrow (and Saturday, and so on and so forth) goes just as well. Minus the freaking out in the morning thing.

grumble, grumble

2009-07-09T10:35:00.002-04:00

What a completely pointless trip.

Ok, maybe not pointless. I got my doctor's note. But the doctor I spoke to was pretty much no help. He didn't give me anything for my nausea. He said it was "good" I was taking Nexium, and provided no help when I told him that it wasn't working anymore (as I predicted would happen months ago.) He said I need to go back to taking Paxil for my anxiety (um, no. Thank you. I'd rather not be depressed and borderline suicidal, as Paxil tends to make people, me included.) He said he couldn't prescribe anything for me to help with my panic attacks. And he said I needed therapy (duh) and to contact my insurance company to find counselors in the area for my anxiety. Also, he wrote down some completely random medicine that I should be taking for my PCOS, and seemed surprised that I wasn't already on it. "Why?" he asked. Well, probably because my doctor didn't think I needed it. Then again, that doctor didn't warn me that the medicine he DID give me would basically ruin my life and take away almost five years worth of progress with my anxiety. *sigh*. I'm incredibly frustrated right now. Yes, I got my doctor's note, so I won't be in trouble at work. But still. I was counting on getting at least some nausea medicine. That was what had me semi-convinced that I would be ok at work tonight. Now my confidence has basically been thrown out the window. Nothing has changed from last night, so what's to stop me from going through that miserable experience all over again? This is what the evil, anxious parts of my brain are saying to me. And you know what? They have a point.

I was finally just able to choke down a Benadryl (sinus drainage!) and my reflux medicine (liquid fire running up and down my esophagus!) I wasn't able to do so this morning- I was panicking about going to the doctor. But now that I've taken them I think I'm going to lay down and take a nap until mom gets home for lunch. Then we'll call one of the *real* doctors and get an appointment. For sometime in the next few months....

I'd like a sedative, please. Now.

2009-07-09T08:03:00.005-04:00

I'm waiting for Brandon to come and take me to the doctor.
I HATE going to the doctor (not as much as I hate going to the dentist, though). I don't know why. Well, for one thing, I hate tongue depressors, but I always tell them they don't have to use it and they're always able to check my throat without it. The last time I went to my regular doctor I was having my foot looked at, and my ear, to see if I still had an ear infection from last winter. I still got nervous. Why would I be nervous about someone looking at my foot?
Along the same line, why am I so nervous about going there today and saying "my stomach had been giving me fits for over a month now, my reflux medicine isn't working anymore, and last night I threw up at work so I need a doctor's note"? It's not like they can tell me anything's horribly wrong after just talking to me (for that I'll have to wait until I can go see the internist, or the gastrointerologist.)
So why am I on the verge of having a panic attack? I don't know, but it's dumb. My stomach is making weird noises. I could barely brush my teeth this morning because I felt like gagging, so I'm kind of dreading taking any medicine. We will have to wait and see. Brandon will be here in about half an hour. I have time to decide how badly I need to take a Benadryl.
Please pray for me today, that not only will I get to feeling good enough to go to work (and stay feeling good, since last night I felt fine until shortly after I got there), but that I will have a peaceful visit to the doctor's.

"Yeah, toast!" -Heywood Banks

2009-07-08T21:42:00.003-04:00

I am still struggling. I'm getting very tired of fighting off panic. I'm sure that what happened earlier was related to my reflux, and that I'm not *really* sick, but I feel bad and as time goes on I am getting more and more anxious. It's dumb. I'm tired of it. Did I say that already?

Things are getting to the point where I'm having more and more trouble concentrating, which is normally not a good sign. I'm doing my best to remain in control, though. I'm working on trying to eat a piece of toast (my stomach is completely empty and my blood sugar is beginning to go a little off, and I tried to eat some applesauce but it tasted bad. That might have just been because I've gone through so many wintergreen lifesavers in the past several hours, my tastebuds are a bit tainted. And...I've had to give up on the toast now. It was choking me. Very depressing. It tasted pretty good. Maybe I'll just eat the melted peanut butter off it.

Did I mention earlier that I weighed myself today? Well, I did. And assuming there's not a huge discrepancy between my scale and the scale at the doctor's office (which I visited at the end of May), supposedly I've lost somewhere in the neighborhood of 27 lbs. Except for the fact that my denim shorts are extremely baggy now, you can't really tell, I don't think. Still. Weight loss is good for me. Granted, I'd rather go about it using my own willpower and not because for several weeks eating has been difficult. But still.

I'm going back to licking the peanut butter off this piece of toast (aren't you glad I shared that with you?) Maybe I'll go to bed soon. I'm still deciding.

I Feel So

2009-07-08T19:48:00.003-04:00

Life is very frustrating at times.
When I went to work this afternoon, I felt fine. Amazingly. I even commented on it out loud to myself in the car on the way there. I felt FINE. And I was especially happy since I had virtually no problems today (again, aside from waking up feeling icky.) I got to work early, sat in the kitchen and read my book for a little bit, and then went out to work. Things were going ok for a little bit, and then I started getting this weird feeling in my stomach. I waited a bit and then left the desk to go over to the restroom. I was not panicking.
After I left the bathroom I stopped to talk with Ms Lynn for a moment, since she was sitting in her office. I told her apparently my stomach was a little upset but I thought I was doing pretty well. Then I left the workroom, started to head back up to the desk, and...threw up. A little. In my mouth (sorry for being gross, but I'm still pretty shocked...I like, NEVER throw up). I was taken very much by surprise. I paused, then went up to the desk and asked to speak with my boss, and I told her what happened. I told her I wanted to stay, and we decided I'd go ahead and take my break (really early) and see if I got any better. I tried...I stayed calm...and it happened again. We talked some more and I told her I was feeling worse but I didn't want to get in trouble about sick time and I was going to try to stay. I went back up to the desk, got a cart of stuff to shelve, and went over to put away some fiction. I got maybe six books shelved when I had to run back over to the bathroom and I got sick four more times. I still wasn't having a panic attack, though (weird, huh?) But I felt soooo bad. And not at all like this was the end of my issues. I went back to talk to my boss (who was about to go home) and ended up coming home early. I feel disgusting and I don't know why. It bothers me. I'm really, really angry because I did MY part and stayed calm, and I still feel like I screwed up somehow. I feel so gross. I would consider going back up to work but I've still got some issues...I just don't know. I'm really upset. I feel like I've let people down, even though this was obviously something I have no control over.
I have to go to the doctor in the morning because if I don't get a doctor's note showing that I am at least attempting to do something about this stuff, my job could be in jeopardy, I guess. I don't even care anymore. I hate going to the doctor but I actually want to go. I want to feel better. I want to get some medicine that will work (my insurance denied me the opportunity to get the reflux medicine that I have had the most success with, and after a few months on the less-helpful one, I have a feeling it's not working anymore and that's a source of some of my problems). I won't be able to get much accomplished: the people at Urgent Care won't give me anything for my anxiety because they don't know my history, and they can't do a whole lot for my stomach/esophagus issues- for that I will have to go see a specialist. Ugh. But at least I can get my doctor's note, and maybe get something temporary to help me out with my stomach issues.

I am going to go lie back down and read some more. My stomach has started doing flip flops again and for whatever reason I have an earache...this is just dumb. I'd like to build a time machine and fast forward a month or two and see if I'm feeling any better. Because let me tell you, I am so tired of all this. Really. I have been having some sort of issue or another since March. I'm exhausted- from everything. I just want to get better.

Tonight, tonight...

2009-07-08T15:43:00.002-04:00

I am scared of going to work.

I have come to this conclusion because I've been fine all day (except this morning, but I know what that was about.) After I woke up, my throat was still sore, but I had some pancakes for lunch a little before 11 a.m. I was fine. Then later I fixed myself a grilled cheese (I burned it on one side so I only ate half) and ate a brownie. I was fine. Of course, now that it's almost time for me to go to work, I feel disgusting. My tummy is sloshy (for no reason, since I've barely had anything to drink today and haven't been eating any ice chips) and I'm anxious. I am working on my Bible verses, though. Hopefully the car ride to work will be ok. That is key. If I get worked up in the car, not only is it a bummer, but I will feel really bad when I get to work, and it will take longer to calm down. But if I can stay calm in the car, I will have minimal issues when I actually get to work. Like on Monday. The car ride was calm, I went in to work and sat in the kitchen for a little bit and then ten minutes before I had to start working, I went over to the bathroom. I was kind of anxious but my Bible verse memorization helped A LOT. Then about forty five minutes into work, I had to go visit the bathroom again, but after that I was fine. I got a lot done (I shelved a lot and straightened everything in the back room) and the evening went by fairly quickly. This is what I am praying for tonight: smooth travel to work, enough time to chill out if I need to, then things to keep me busy for the rest of the night. No freaking out, no thinking I'm going to be sick, etc.

12 minutes until I have to leave. I will probably be praying the whole time.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea." Psalm 46:1-2

Shake your body down to the ground

2009-07-08T06:32:00.003-04:00

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He is my rock and my fortress, I will never be shaken." Psalm 62:1-2 (New International Jessi Version)

This is the only Bible verse I have memorized from my little book. I keep saying it over and over. I am really tired of waking up feeling gross. I think it's because my throat is a little sore from allergies, etc. And then I probably sleep with my mouth open. So then I wake up, the back of my throat completely dry and achy, and the rest of my mouth pretty dry too, and it feels so much like something is poking my soft palate back there and making me want to gag. I do sleep with water beside the bed, but that doesn't help. This morning I jerked awake before 6:30, hopped up and rummaged through my bag (beside my bed) for a cough drop, hoping this would do a better job than my Lifesavers had done previous mornings. I couldn't find the gigantic bag of cough drops, though. So I got up, shuffled to the kitchen and got some ice. After a stop at the bathroom, I was back looking for the stupid cough drops. I finally found some. It's taken a lot less time for me to calm down this morning, but this cough drop is seriously nasty and I'm probably going to ditch it in a minute. I just wanted to come here first and express my frustrations with yet again being woken up earlier than I wanted to be because I feel disgusting. I will try to go back to sleep in a few minutes. My fingers feel tired (they are slurring their words a little) so I won't stay on here, typing. I'll probably check the news or something before I go back to bed because I'm not ready to sleep yet.

Don't stop til you get enough

2009-07-07T20:33:00.002-04:00

Well...today went by fast. Guess what? I got nothing accomplished. Big surprise.
Today I woke up kind of early and felt icky...I think I might have already covered that, though. And I went back to sleep until after 10 a.m., which was kind of nice. Then I got up and made brownies, which we were supposed to take to Bible study tonight. Except when mom came home for lunch she got kind of sick. So we didn't go.
After brownies I read until the Michael Jackson memorial came on TV, and after that, I read some more. I finished my book. I should be reading stuff for school but I decided to read the Harry Potter series again. I started with the last one and read that over the weekend, and then from last night to about...twenty minutes ago, I read the sixth one. I may or may not read the fifth one next...I kind of want to, but then again, it's one of my least favorite books. Don't get me wrong, they're all groundbreaking and fantastic, but Harry is such a whiner in book 5. It's annoying.
I'm hoping that next week I will be able to go see the new movie, though.
Tomorrow I work, in the evening, with someone I don't know. We are having a sub come in from another branch. Hopefully everything will go fine. Yesterday I went to work early and things went OK. I felt kind of nasty for probably the first half hour I was working. I plan on going early again tomorrow, and hopefully it will be as successful as it was on Monday. I don't work with Jess for the rest of the week, though, and that's a bit of a bummer. She's quite understanding and I'm pretty sure she doesn't get mad at me when I don't feel well...but I digress.
Tonight was the last night of Bible study, and while I am sort of glad that we didn't go, I am also a little sad, too. I liked this study more than the last one we did, and I was unhappy about the circumstances under which I missed evenings prior to tonight. Oh, well. Hopefully I will be able to do another one sometime. Probably not until next year, though, because I will be in school during the fall. Supposedly. I think I am going to try to take all online classes, which should reduce some of my stress, and I'll still be "enrolled" full time. I still need to make a visit to the school, though, to finalize everything. I've pretty much decided that I'm going to go to JCC, which is a local community college, because it is so darn cheap. It's amazing. It's like, 7% if the cost of my school. And the credits will transfer over. I can take some generic history and political science courses to fulfill some of my electives for a degree at Bellarmine, or U of L. If I get my degree from the latter, I don't have to take as many credit hours. It'll be a long process (I'm not in any real hurry) but I will eventually get it all done. I mean, I'm not in a hurry to get my degree because I don't need it for work, and also over the past few semesters it's become more and more difficult for me to keep up with a full-time courseload. It won't do me any good if I get really bad grades in the classes, so I might as well take fewer of them at a time and make good grades so I get the credit I need.
I think I'm done babbling for the evening. Brandon is working through the night again, for whatever reason (I'm not happy about it) and so I will probably just read until I'm ready to go to bed. I might see him tomorrow...I hope I do, since he sounded a little down today and I know he works on Thursday. On the other hand, he really needs to sleep. We will have to wait and see what happens.

Sooooo tired.

2009-07-07T08:21:00.002-04:00

I'd just like to announce that I'm really tired of waking up feeling like I'm going to be sick. This isn't exactly a new development. Even before I started having all these issues with my anxiety again, there were often mornings when I just didn't feel like eating and would just have some ice water for breakfast. But this is ridiculous, and it's really been rather intense for the past several days. I know it's the sinus drainage- if I concentrate, I can feel it (I don't know why my allergies are so bad this summer, but they are! And it's all drainage. I don't even get the opportunity to blow my nose. Which is dumb.) It's extremely unpleasant though. I woke up much earlier than I intended to, and now I'm just getting to the point where I could lay back down and maybe get a little more sleep, but now it's the time I would have normally woken up. Isn't that lame? Yes. The answer is yes.
I am soooo sleepy. I had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night but I was too tired to do anything (like read.) I woke up a couple of times in the middle of the night but I fell right back to sleep. And then I was in the middle of a really interesting dream when I woke up this last time. I tried to go back to sleep but the urge to gag was just too much. So I got up, went to the bathroom, got myself some ice to chew on, made it back to my room, and after some trying, I was able to get a Benadryl down. Hopefully that will help. It will probably make me sleepy again. But unfortunately I can't sleep the day away...I do have things to do (apparently I have to make brownies. Either that or I imagined Mom coming in and telling me to...) We will see if I get anything done today, though.
The dogs are waiting for me to come back to bed. The house is quiet now because everyone who was awake is napping. Even though they were running around the house making the birds scream about half an hour ago, Diego is on the foot of my bed curled up in a ball asleep, Elwood has stretched out and is asleep with his head on my pillows, and Polo is under the covers. Asleep. Ivan is in the living room sleeping, and Wolfie...is still asleep, in Jonathan's room. I don't know where the cat is but he's probably asleep, too. I wish I was.

It's really warm in my room.

2009-07-06T16:04:00.002-04:00

I have to leave for work in a little while (less than half an hour) and I'm not particularly looking forward to it. I've had an ok day, but last week didn't go so smoothly. I got fussed at or had to deal with particularly difficult people every day that I worked, with one exception. Then there was the issue with my boss at the end of last week. And I think I work with her tonight. I've been having some mild issues today, and I have what I think is a pretty legitimate concern that the stress of last week combined with my issues may cause...issues. I don't think that sentence made sense. I guess I mean that the anxiety-prone part of my brain is saying "last week wasn't good, so you have a great reason to be afraid of going to work tonight". I don't want to be, but things aren't that simple. I can tell myself over and over, for hours on end, that there is no reason to be anxious about something, and I can explain away whatever unsavory feelings I might be having, but I still might have issues. Then again, things might be fine. I'm praying for the latter, since even though I've eaten almost-normal meals today, I've done pretty well. A little upset stomach after eating what for me qualifies as a full-sized meal now (though that might have just been a side dish a month or two ago) is much better than feeling nauseous and getting panicky after, say, having a little too much water to drink in a day (that's happened.)

Meanwhile, I have accomplished NOTHING today. I didn't really have any plans, but I still feel like I haven't done anything and the day has zoomed right along. I woke up later than planned because mom had said the night before I needed to move my car in the morning, but she ended up moving it. So I woke up after 9 a.m. instead of around 7. I dealt with the usual upset stomach for about an hour, ate some breakfast, and read a little. I played video games for about twenty minutes sometime around lunch, but stopped because...I don't even remember now. I think it had something to do with my stomach, though (I had a baked potato for lunch and I was full.) Brandon's been working today, so I haven't heard much from him. Oh, I did get one thing done. I sent an email to this magazine company that has been sending me magazines lately. I just got a second issue in the mail today, and it included an insert that said something like "since you are a subscriber, you can get this other magazine for less!" Well, I'm not a subscriber. I went to their website and typed in the little account number above my address on the label, and for my account info, it says I'm "ACTIVE PAID". Uh, no. I am not. I have not ordered a magazine subscription, nor have I paid for one. So I went to their little customer service form and told them that I had basically never even heard of the magazine before, much less ordered a subscription of it. Even though the form said "provide a detailed description of your problem here", and I wasn't all that detailed, I got a "your message is too lengthy" notice after the first three times I tried to submit it. Hopefully it will get straightened out. Since I never ordered the stupid thing...

And now it is even closer to time to leave (fifteen minutes now!) I am going to go to work a little early in case I need to visit the restroom so I don't *inconvenience* anyone (the sound you hear is me grumbling....) Hopefully everything will go well.

Blah.

2009-07-05T19:44:00.002-04:00

I feel a little puke-ish. Well, not really. But still. I'm uncomfortable.
I went to church with Brandon today, and the drive over there was a little iffy, and I had some rough patches during church, but things turned out ok. We watched "Eraser" (I don't know why, other than it's a movie we hadn't seen) and a few episodes of Joan of Arcadia on DVD. I find it amusing that Brandon actually likes the show. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was really good for the two seasons it was on (well...the first season was really good. The second one was only "pretty good".) But still. It doesn't take place in outer space, there are no robots or reptiles that are experts in martial arts.
Then I came home. And I actually ate dinner (the fact that I didn't have anything to eat all day except three crackers with cheese on them probably helped some.) I might have eaten too fast. Or maybe I had too much water. But now I'm pretty uncomfortable. I'm kind of hoping that I'm hungry again in a few hours because mom made this lovely strawberry jello pretzel thing which I like very much, and I would like to have some tonight. We will have to wait and see.
Tomorrow night I work. Very exciting....*sigh*. I feel like I want to take a vacation. Even though I had a long weekend. Sometimes it's just nice to have some time off from work. And I'm pretty much not going to get any of that until right before the wedding. Six months from now.
Anyway, Tuesday I am off, so that's nice. It's the last night of Bible study and I am pretty much looking forward to going. We are having a potluck thing and sometimes I don't like being around food. I'm sure things will be fine, though.
And....that's about all I've got. Wow, that was boring. Sorry. I just felt like writing something since my stomach was kind of being weird. I might be back later, but hopefully I won't have any reason to do so.

Job! Maybe?

2009-07-04T13:15:00.003-04:00

I just found an entry level actuarial position on a career search website with a certain company in Louisville that shall not be mentioned. This is basically the job we have been looking for for Brandon. Now is the time to start praying- without ceasing- that this will work out. He's working right now but I'm tempted to call him and tell him to go home early and apply for this job. In the description it says it's entry level, and that no exams are required to get the job. It's...perfect. Full time, everything. I'm hoping no one else finds the job posting so no one else will apply for it...anyway. Pray, please. This job thing is really important, and like I said, this one is basically exactly what we've been looking for for the past few months!

Happy Fourth, Y'all

2009-07-04T10:51:00.000-04:00

I personally will be celebrating this great nation by watching the following video over and over and over again.

Fridays should be better, especially when they start off a long weekend

2009-07-03T10:25:00.002-04:00

This morning has been pretty dumb so far. After the SECOND TIME I blogged last night, I got to feeling bad AGAIN. There was a lot of slightly frantic praying involved, and then about a half an hour of counting my blessings. Out loud. Because sometimes that's the only way it feels like it counts. Then I fell asleep sometime after 1 a.m. Well, I figured Brandon was going to come over today so I set my alarm and I guess I must have turned it off instead of hitting the snooze button because I didn't wake up until mom came in to ask me a question at a quarter after nine. As soon as I woke up, I felt weird. Not bad, just weird. But weird enough to be an annoyance to me. THEN my stomach started hurting, and it still does. Which is the main reason this morning has been dumb. Also, it's almost 10:330, Brandon slept late (so did I, though) and so he's coming over later than I thought. And I still have lots to do today, like laundry and vacuuming and straightening my room. And I'm probably supposed to clean the bathroom too...hmm. I don't know.

So here's to hoping that my stomach gets its act together and stops grumbling so much. I took some medicine but it was kind of difficult because I'm having a little trouble swallowing this morning. Hopefully today will be nice and calm and peaceful.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

2009-07-02T23:55:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I don't understand what's going on with my own person.
I came home from work shortly after nine, fixed myself "dinner" (the last leftover biscuit from whatever everyone else had, with some strawberry preserves). I came to my room, sat at the computer, and ate. And I stayed on the computer until almost 11 o'clock. I felt fine. No problems whatsoever. No Lifesavers, no gum, no ice chewing. I even found myself thinking about food, and how nice it would be to have a snack! Wow. What a feeling of normalcy. I didn't have one, of course. I was too busy being on the computer. And we didn't have what I wanted (some cheddar cheese and Barbecue Baked Lay's potato chips) so it didn't matter.
Then I realize it's getting late, and I'd better be getting ready for bed. For some reason my stomach starts to act a little funny. Or maybe it's not my stomach, maybe it's in my head. I have a hard time differentiating sometimes. It's getting closer and closer to time for Brandon to get off work (he got off at 11:30) and by the time the phone rings I'm a little worked up. I think it's because my throat feels weird. It's reminding me of how I felt earlier today, and how unpleasant that was (even though it only lasted like, ten minutes!) So I can't talk when Brandon calls, I tell him to call me back in a little while. I sit on my bed (can't lie down- reflux. Ugh.) with a glass of ice chips, muttering my Bible verses under my breath while I try to reach for my little book of verses on the night stand. Sometimes when I don't feel well I don't like to move very much. Like when I used to hold my breath to walk down the hall when I was little and I felt bad? I think for some reason not breathing while doing something made it seem like I wasn't doing that thing. I don't know. It was weird. But I digress.
I just got done having a conversation with God about how good He has been to me lately, making me feel a little better every day. I told Him how much I appreciated the fact that most of the issues I have had over the past few days have only lasted a few minutes, including the problems I had earlier when we were leaving the movie theater. I reminded myself that I felt the exact same way then as I do now, and nothing came of it. There's nothing to be afraid of. So your stomach's a little upset. It'll calm down. It always does. I thanked God for showing me the right verses to copy down in my little notebook, and told Him I was trying really hard to "remember His benefits", as we learned in our Bible study last week. And the next thing I knew, the scariest stuff had past. Sure, I still have reflux, and my stomach still feels weird, but I don't feel so...lost. I think lost is a good word to describe how I feel when I am having anxiety issues, because I feel very confused and also I don't know where I'm going (figuratively speaking- I don't know what's going to happen next).
The whole point of this post is to say "I don't know where that came from but I didn't like it and I'm trying to keep it from coming back again, therefore here I sit. At the computer desk. Typing."
I'm still praying, because I still feel weird and I don't want those ugly anxious feelings to resurface. I'm still praying because I am so thankful for all my Deliverer has done for me lately. And I'm still praying because I feel the need to remind Him to please keep up the good work.
Now I really should try to go to sleep. Well...I'm still waiting for Brandon to call, actually. So I will rearrange my pillows to minimize the acid reflux discomfort and continue munching on my ice chips until the phone rings. Maybe by then my Benadryl will have kicked in (allergies!!!) and I can get some sleep.

Thursday, Thursday....

2009-07-02T21:34:00.003-04:00

Today...........was good. I guess.
How's that for an affirmative answer to a question nobody asked?

So I just remembered last night that Brandon wanted us to go to see Transformers today, and then forgot about it, and then remembered again this morning when I called him. I don't know why, but I guess some weird part of my brain didn't want to go sit in the movie theater, so I got pretty anxious about it. Like, really. But I calmed down, particularly after he said that the first showing wasn't until after 11 o'clock. So I went over to his house and we watched Joan of Arcadia some more, and I think I dozed off for about half an hour because next thing I know, Brandon's got to hurry and eat lunch so we can get to the theater.

The movie was pretty good. I wouldn't give it five stars, like Brandon made me rate it on NetFlix, but I don't think it was as bad as the majority of the reviews made it out to be. It was loud, but a fun kind of loud. Some of the dialogue was cheesy, the main human characters were kind of zombie-like, and it did sort of feel like two movies rolled into one. But it was still good. I had a relatively good time. While we were there I ate three M&M's...I don't know why but I didn't really feel like eating today, so those M&M's were the first thing I had to eat all day (at like, 1:30 p.m.) And then my stomach kind of got upset almost at the end of the movie and I was feeling kind of bad (in an "it's all in my head" kind of way) on the way back to Brandon's. I got home just fine, ate the four leftover chicken nuggets I had from Tuesday night, and took a 25-minute nap.

Then came work.

Work went fine, but my tummy was a bit upset when I got there. Probably because I had eaten. So, I was up at the desk for almost ten minutes, and had to leave to go visit the restroom. I wasn't back there that long. Like, six minutes. But like I said, my stomach was being weird. When I came out of the bathroom my boss was waiting for me, and let's just say that we had a brief, mildly upsetting conversation because she thought I was back there the whole time I was supposed to have been working (it was now 15 minutes into my work shift. Which yeah, that would have been a long bathroom break....). She didn't yell at me but did pretty much say that I should count that as at least part of my break time because it was an inconvenience to the other people working. I hate confrontation. She wasn't mean about it or anything, but still. So despite the fact that I was basically feeling ok when I walked out of the back room (where the restroom is), after this I felt really bad. But I went up to the desk and toughed it out until she and some of the other people left (I felt really REALLY gross by now) and then went back over to the bathroom to cry for a moment or two (I checked the clock- it was really like, three minutes. Hmph.) I hate feeling like I got in trouble. Even though I didn't...and I totally understand what she was saying, and she probably wouldn't have said it if she had been watching the clock like I was. Plus, it's not like I go over to the bathroom and, I don't know, read magazines. Ew. I had a reason for being there, you know? And I wasn't having fun or anything...I know it's an inconvenience for the other people who were working to continue working for six minutes while I was away from the desk, but you know what? I'm inconvenienced, too. I'm inconvenienced because, for a variety of ever-changing reasons, I haven't slept a full night since March. I'm inconvenienced because I'm hardly able to eat anything most of the time. I'm inconvenienced because I spent the last two or three weeks basically in a form of prison because of my panic attacks. And I'm inconvenienced because things aren't quite as good as I want them to be yet (still getting better every day, though. I am grateful for that.) So yeah. I was kind of bothered for quite a while at work. Not mad, just bothered. And my feelings were a little hurt, too. But the rest of the evening went really well. It was actually really calm in the library tonight (pretty shocking for a summer evening). Despite the fact that someone dumped a huge amount of donations in the bookdrops outside (they aren't supposed to do that) and we had to deal with a strange lady who later called to talk to someone else about the exact same thing Jess and I went over with her forty minutes earlier, the evening went very smoothly. That makes me happy.

Now I'm off for the weekend, which is pretty cool. I don't normally work on Fridays, Saturday we are closed, so I worked the rest of my hours earlier this week. Tomorrow I have a lot to do in the areas of cleaning and laundry, and Kelli is supposed to probably maybe come over tomorrow to visit. I might get to see Brandon, too, but I don't know yet. He hasn't called back and I've been home for...a while now. I didn't think he was working tonight but maybe I was wrong. I'm getting pretty sleepy, though. He'd better call soon, or I won't hear the phone because of this noisy fan in my room. It's hot in here. If I turn the fan off, I will like, steam myself in my sleep. Like some broccoli. Wearing pajamas. If I leave the fan on, I can't hear anything. I have to set the alarm on my phone AND my alarm clock to get up in the morning, and even then sometimes I don't hear it until it has been ringing for five minutes. It's a very serious dilemma, you know...

Further ramblings

2009-07-01T21:32:00.003-04:00

Yesterday went surprisingly well. I mean, work went fine (I think I mentioned that) and any ickiness I felt prior to going to Bible study was basically all nerves. I went, I had a few iffy moments but things went very well. I left feeling quite pleased with myself. We even stopped at McDonald's on the way home and I ate six chicken nuggets. Go, me.

Then there was last night. I wasn't feeling *bad*, really, but I started having problems with my teeth right about the time I was ready to go to bed. Have I told you about my teeth? No? Ok. Well, on the left side of my mouth I apparently have a few cavities. I don't know where they came from, but I have one in a bottom molar and then issues with a top molar. They ache at different times, mostly, but last night they randomly decided to start hurting at the same time. On top of that, my wisdom teeth have sloooooooowly been growing in since I was in the 11th grade. That's like, what, four years ago? Well, the one that has been pushing through a little more lately is on the left side of my mouth. On the bottom. Pretty darn near where that likely cavity cuprit is. So last night, at about 11 o'clock, the left side of my mouth suddenly started hurting very badly. Bad enough that it was too distracting to go to sleep. I got up and found some Orajel (which I hate, so you know I had to be feeling bad to use that stuff) and basically covered like, the entire left side of my mouth with it. A few seconds of glorious numbness, and POW. Pain. Lots of it. Maybe worse than before. So I got up (again) and found an ice pack in the freezer, wrapped it in a Christmas-themed dish towel (details are important), and placed it between my cheek and the pillow. I drifted off to sleep (thanks in part to the two Benadryl I had taken before bed). And....woke up half an hour crying. I don't remember starting to cry, so I think I started in my sleep, then woke up. Because the pain was so bad. It kind of felt like I was shot in the face. Or at least that's what I told mom when she called me on my cell phone after about ten minutes of crying. I guess Jonathan called her because I was being noisy, I don't know. I didn't think I was that loud. I took some ibuprofen, readjusted my ice pack, and cried myself to sleep (how dramatic).

Then this morning, of course, I didn't want to wake up. I went from having my alarm set for seven, to eight, to nine, to getting up and going back to bed until nine thirty. I have been so sleeeeeepy lately that it's ridiculous (well, maybe not so much when you consider I haven't slept a full night since mid-March). Today went fairly well. I didn't have any major issues, or even any minor ones, but I wasn't really able to eat. Mom brought me some scrambled eggs and toast for lunch but I ate about half what she brought me (which meant I ate about one egg, and a half a piece of toast). Then I had trouble swallowing. So later, I decided to try to finish this chicken sandwich I brought home yesterday, and three bites in, I couldn't swallow. And that's all I had until about 7 pm, when at work I decided I really had to eat something whether I wanted to or not, and had most of a single-serving cup of applesauce. Which proceeded to sit rather unpleasantly on top of the air bubble of hunger (and gum-chewing) that had formed somewhere in between my chest and my stomach. Ugh. Aside from that, though, and fifteen minutes of extreme unpleasantness upon my arrival, work went really well tonight. So I get home and think "you know, I really am hungry..." and fix myself the last of the chicken salad that was in the refrigerator (a sandwich's worth). I ate half of it. I tried to eat more (I really wanted this chicken salad) but it didn't work out too well...hmm.

We will have to see how this evening goes, since I'm pretty full and also terribly thirsty. I keep drinking water but it's not cooperating too well with my reflux, which can be unpleasant, and that can lead to some nervousness, as well (it sounds stupid but hey, that's the way I'm working right now.) Tomorrow I am supposed to go to Brandon's again, and I'm looking forward to that, I hope it goes as splendidly as it did Monday. But without the feeling nasty once I get to work part. I work with my good buddy Jess tomorrow night and that does make me feel better. Then after that I'm off for the weekend, since we are closed on Saturday for the holiday. Very exciting.

Oops.

2009-06-30T16:56:00.002-04:00

Oh, and by the way, my dear fiance has to work from 8 o'clock this evening until like, 4:30 in the morning. Which is both ridiculous and insane. I don't know why they are making him do this, and I'm not happy about it. So a prayer request this evening is that he will not collapse and die of exhaustion, basically. Also that he gets a *real* job soon. A better one. Preferably of the actuarial persuasion, where they don't make you work in the middle of the night. And also one that provides insurance since apparently he doesn't have any right now....

And I still don't know about Bible study.

I don't know.

2009-06-30T16:09:00.002-04:00

I'm having trouble deciding whether or not to go to Bible study tonight. Work today went extremely well, but I had issues last night and woke up a few times in the middle of the night not feeling well. I honestly don't know what to do. My mom is teaching tonight and I'd like to be there for her, plus it'd be nice to go. But I just don't know. If I stay home I might work myself into a tizzy, too....but if I go tonight we have to go early because mom has some meeting thing.

I don't know. Honestly. I can't make a decision. And I've been thinking about it for a few hours now. The more I think about it, I start feeling a little icky. Hmph. It's annoying.

I stopped and got some food on the way home from work, too, and couldn't eat much. I don't know what that means. I didn't eat this morning and literally only had three bites of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at 11:30. I got off work at two-ish and didn't sit down to eat until about 2:30. You'd think I'd be starving. I thought I WAS starving. But I ate maybe a third of a sandwich and a couple of cheesy tots and couldn't eat any more, so I put the rest in the fridge.

I still don't know what to do. It's only two hours, except we'd have to get there early. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. *sigh*

Only four hours.

2009-06-29T16:24:00.004-04:00

I'm pretty close to having a panic attack. I have to leave for work in ten minutes. This is compounding my feelings of ickiness, as I think I am afraid of freaking out in the car, or as soon as I go to work.
I'm pretty sure I know where the bad feelings are coming from. I think I forgot to take my reflux medicine this morning. My blood sugar is a little off. I chose to eat about an hour and a half ago (most of a little thing of applesauce and a few teddy grahams- big deal). And I have to go to work. I've been drinking a lot of water, which is kind of cold, and the applesauce was kind of cold, and sometimes when I have cold liquids (applesauce counts) it aggravates my reflux. I have a very unpleasant feeling that everything I have consumed today is sitting somewhere near my chest. Blech. I just need to calm down about it. I tried to eat a saltine cracker, hoping that would help, but it didn't work out. It's just unpleasant. It normally wouldn't be a big deal, but like I have said repeatedly lately, I am kind of on edge, anxiety-wise.
I'm starting to feel a little better but I'm still pretty shaky and worried about work. It's only four hours. I just need to keep telling myself that. Only four hours. I spent more time than that at Brandon's yesterday and I was fine. Only four hours.

Is it nap time yet?

2009-06-28T20:01:00.002-04:00

I have not posted in two days. Woohoo! Ok. Yesterday went pretty well, I had a few shaky spots during the day at work but did really well. The only time I called mom, actually, was when I was at lunch, I think. And today went fairly beautifully. Maybe it was because I didn't eat much (that made my blood sugar wonky but I fixed that easily with a half a banana). I don't know, but it was good. I felt fairly awesome. Or normal, anyway. I spent about six hours at Brandon's with virtually no problems, came home, and decided to eat dinner. I didn't eat that much compared to the dinner last night. Actually, comparing today with yesterday, yesterday I probably ate three times more than I've eaten today. Maybe more than that, but whatever. The point is....I feel pretty bad right now. I stopped eating dinner because I started having trouble swallowing again, and have been trying to relax ever since. About twenty minutes ago things started getting kind of worse. If I focus, and really concentrate and think about it, I can come to the understanding that my stomach actually feels fine. It doesn't hurt. It's a combination of this weird feeling in my throat, and feeling a little bit full, and jittery nerves. Which is dumb, I know. So I'm sitting here eating the few ice chips I was able to get out of the ice maker (someone stole all the ice....grr...), glancing over my little book of Bible verses I've been putting together. I tried watching TV, reading a book, cleaning out a desk drawer....nothing was distracting enough. So here I sit, blogging my problems. It helps some. It might be the involvement of typing, it might just be the fact that I'm getting this out there. I don't know, but I appreciate the little bit of relief. It's a little bit after 8, so not much longer until I can go to bed. I slept like a very sleepy thing last night (what a change...) and hopefully will do so again this evening.

Tomorrow Brandon's expecting me to come over and watch a movie or two. I have no idea what we're going to watch, or what time I will get over there. I don't work until 5, so I've got the free time, but depending on how tonight goes, I might not really feel up to going over there. If only this evening could have gone as smoothly as the rest of the day, I'd have a lot more confidence in my ability to do stuff tomorrow. Oh well.

"O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief." Psalm 143:1

"When I said, 'my foot is slipping', your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." Psalm 94:18-19

"Rescue me and deliver me in Your righteousness; turn your ear to me and save me. Be my rock of refuge to which I can always go; give the command to save me, for You are my rock and my fortress." Psalm 71:2-3

"Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:7-8

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken." Psalm 62:1-2

"When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" Psalm 56:3-4

"Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in You, my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed." Psalm 57:1

"But I call to God, and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress, and He hears my voice." Psalm 55:16-17

"We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you." Psalm 33:20-22

"In you, O Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame, deliver me in your righteousness. Turn your ears to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me." Psalm 31:1-2

"Praise be to the Lord, for He has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped." Psalm 28:7

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

"I always wanted to do music that influences and inspires each generation. Lets face it, who wants mortality?"

2009-06-26T10:56:00.002-04:00

Some of the best Michael Jackson songs. Enjoy. (And most came from his YouTube channel and they won't allow embedding. So the links are on here.)

Smooth Criminal

Will You Be There

Don't Stop Til You Get Enough

Black or White

Billie Jean

Thriller

And, even though that horrible person Iman is in it....Remember the Time. It makes me laugh. (Personally I don't think it's a very good song though.)

"Music has been my outlet, my gift to all of the lovers in this world. Through it — my music, I know I will live forever."
-Michael Jackson, Ebony Magazine, December 2007

Guess what? It's late. That's what.

2009-06-26T00:09:00.002-04:00

I hadn't planned on posting tonight because I planned on being asleep. When I got home from work I was able to eat a little bit and then kind of freaked myself out. But I fought it off though. I worked on copying Bible verses into this teeny tiny notebook I plan on carrying with me. That made me feel a lot better. Then I asked mom for some medicine to help me sleep and took two Tylenol PM. Guess what. They are not working. It has been more than an hour and I am not sleepy. Well, I am, but not any more so than I was earlier in the day. And now my tummy is acting up. I don't know if it's because it's the same time I've had issues the past two nights, or if it's because of what I ate, or because of allergies, or because I'm depressed about Michael Jackson. Maybe a little of everything. But you know that kind of nauseous feeling you can get after you cry a lot and all sorts of slimy things make their way to your tummy instead of a Kleenex? It kind of feels like that. I'm trying to not let it get to me.

Tonight my dear friend Jess is at the hospital with her fiance Erik. Apparently early Wednesday morning he drove himself to the hospital and found out he had appendicitis, so he waited a few hours until closer to wake up time for everyone and told them. Except Jess had her phone turned off. So when she gets up she has a voicemail from him saying he's having his appendix taken out. It didn't make her very happy. It wouldn't make me very happy either. So he had his surgery and is apparently in a lot of pain, and should have been allowed to come home today but the doctors decided to keep him a little longer. So Jess is spending the night in one of those special hospital recliners tonight. I have a feeling she isn't sleeping much, and the poor thing has to work tomorrow. Plus she was supposed to have her engagement photos taken this weekend and I have a feeling that won't happen. I feel really bad for her and if you could please say a prayer for both her and Erik I'm sure she'd appreciate it. Hopefully he will get to go home tomorrow, and hopefully she will get some sleep tonight and feel ok about leaving him tomorrow when she goes to work.

You know, I think if Brandon called me in the middle of the night when my phone was off to say that he was having an internal organ removed (particularly one so volatile as the appendix) I would probably beat him. But this is precisely why I don't turn off my phone when I go to sleep. Well, not precisely. It's actually because a.) I'm pretty paranoid about something happening and me not being able to call/receive calls from anyone, and b.) I'm too tired. Brandon turns off his phone, though, and I hate that. It's bothersome.

OK I'm starting to ramble so maybe I should try to go to sleep. Again. Maybe it will work this time. Perhaps I should find another Adventures in Odyssey cd...

This evening.

2009-06-25T00:29:00.004-04:00

Things I have done since shortly after 11 pm to try to calm down because I have a scratchy throat and I'm really stupid and somehow irrationally think that means I'm going to throw up or something:
*Watched two minutes of the Daily Show
*Listened to two and a half episodes of Adventures in Odyssey
*Got more crushed ice
*Petted Polo for a while
*Read my Bible verses
*Sang a David Crowder song. Quite shakily, I might add.
*Played the game on my phone for a few minutes
*Got up several times for various reasons
*Consumed four lifesavers
*Tried some deep breathing
*Called Brandon. Was told he is "busy" at a quarter til midnight. Heard some talking in the background and was informed that I made him "die". He is playing video games.
*Hung up on Brandon
*Called Brandon back. Told him I already tried reading my Bible verses.
*Got more ice
*Looked for some cough drops
*Found bottle of narcotic cough syrup in the back of the cabinet from the last time I was sick. Decide this would be perfect: would solve issue of sore throat AND calm me down. Perfect, right?
*Have second thoughts, decide in my nervousness to clear it with mom. It is now midnight.
*Start saying "mom?" "Mom?" from bottom of steps
*Carefully make my way to the top of the steps. Say "mom" some more.
*Turn on light in stairwell, hoping this will bother the dogs, waking them up, thus waking up mom. Doesn't work.
*Say "Mom" about a dozen more times
*Push open the door a little. Now saying "mom" more frequently. Realizing this is really dumb just to get some cough syrup but by now I'm too upset to care.
*Finally wake mom up. She says she's not mad (or at least she won't admit to being mad). But I wouldn't blame her if she was. I'd be mad. And frustrated. I hope if I ever have children they don't inherit my issues. And not just because I don't want to be woken up in the middle of the night. I think that comes with the "mom" territory.

It's after twelve thirty now. I feel better but not ready to go to sleep. Switched to slightly less dramatic Adventures in Odyssey disc, hoping it would be more effective in helping me sleep.

In my last blog entry I mentioned something about hating feeling like a little kid again, what with these anxiety issues. I feel the need to mention that when I was small, I listened to Adventures in Odyssey tapes (and later CDs) to help me sleep. Also Jungle Jam. Jonathan did too, and there's nothing to be ashamed about having to listen to something to fall asleep. I mean, every night I have the TV on when I fall asleep. But it's just like adding a little sprinkling of insult to injury: "Jessi, this is Life speaking. Here, for several weeks you are going to have to feel out of control of your semi-sane mind. You will do all those dumb things you did when you were little and you felt bad, like holding your breath when you walk across the room and being a general nuisance. And just for fun, the TV will no longer be of any assistance in the sleep department. You will now resort to listening to children's radio programs." What's next? Footie pajamas? Baby teeth? *Gasp* Blond hair?! Oh, heavens.

It's almost one now. I'm supposed to get up a little after six so I can try to choke down some breakfast before Brandon comes over (before nine) to visit me for a little while before mom goes to work. I'm not so sure I'll want to get up. But then again, I thought that about this morning and I ended up freaking myself out at 615 this morning and not falling back asleep for like, forever. I thought I wouldn't want to get up early this morning, either. It was easy getting up and hard going back to sleep.

Ok I think I'm done now. We're almost finished with round one of Adventures in Odyssey: The Sleepy Years. I think that means it's time to go.

Lifesavers are giving me cavities.

2009-06-23T22:26:00.002-04:00

I am here to tell you how stupid anxiety is.

I have a hard time remembering a time when I wasn't dealing with anxiety. I know when I was little, I felt "sick" a lot, and scared my parents talking about how my stomach hurt all the time. Even though it really didn't. It was hard to explain. It still is. I remember staying up late with my parents, them asking me what was wrong over and over. I remember being really scared a lot. I remember going to see a psychiatrist a few times. His name was Dr. Bob and I'm pretty sure his office was near the zoo. We talked about horses. That's all I really remember. Anyway. I guess someone figured out what was wrong with me between fourth and fifth grades, because that's when I started taking medicine for panic attacks and General Anxiety Disorder. In some ways I think it helped, because I remember the days I forgot to take it were pretty ugly. But in other ways it didn't, because I got really depressed as I went into middle school. I still called home a lot (talking to mom helps calm me down), basically every day. I still sucked on peppermints or Altoids when I got to feeling bad (today it's wintergreen Lifesavers. I don't know why this helps, either). And I stopped taking that medicine sophomore year, I guess. Maybe at this point it was doing more harm than good. Now doctors won't prescribe Paxil to kids and teenagers because it makes them worse in a lot of ways. But I digress. By the time I stopped taking the medicine I was pretty good at handling things on my own (though I still kept Altoids with me and still called mom sometimes). All in all, real, true panic attacks were few and far between. I had some issues with my stomach senior year and started having a few more but it wasn't bad. Feeling sick to my stomach- or anything that reminds me of throwing up, even sometimes a weird tickle at the back of my throat- is my panic trigger. I am that scared of throwing up. If I'm in a stressful situation, my stomach hurts, and that's what brings on the anxiety. But for the past several years, if I've had an issue, I've gotten better in a few days. I might have some trouble going back to the place where I had the panic attack, like work or school or Target, but if I can get through one day in that place I'm usually good.

Usually.

Around three weeks ago I started taking some new medicine for something completely unrelated to anxiety and it seems that this new medicine may be playing tricks on my system. Apparently it can cause heightened anxiety in patients with the disorder. I did not know this going in. So like I said, three or four weekends ago I got this stomachache at work. It was a Saturday. I came home, and the stomachache persisted. That Sunday was a bad day- I had a panic attack or two and the stomach issues continued. For a week I didn't eat much but ice chips and Lifesavers. Even with restricting my diet (I didn't feel like eating anything anyway) I was still having issues. That Thursday I had a tiny bit of applesauce a few hours before going to work. I got myself all worked up in the car on the way over (munching ice chips out of a thermos) and when I got inside I just lost it. I was out at the desk for about a minute and a half before I went over to the staff bathroom and just freaked out for like, twenty five minutes. I called mom. I had her call the desk to tell them that I wasn't feeling well, because I think I was afraid of what they were thinking. I ended up going home as soon as I was able to calm down enough to drive. It was really embarrassing and upsetting, but I started feeling better when I got home (did I mention that this was also the week I had to leave early from Bible study because I freaked out? Because I did.)
I'm doing some better now. Some. I have a few good days, where work goes pretty smoothly (I still take my ice, and also a backup container of ice for when mine melts, and a little wristlet bag thing filled with Lifesavers and Tums and teddy grahams and Bible verses.) When I go to Brandon's I usually have some sort of issue, usually lasting a few minutes, and then I'm ok. But I'm not as "better" as I want to be. Or, in my mind, as better as I should be. I'm usually over all this by now. It's been weeks. When I started writing this post I was having a panic attack. Why, you ask? Because I ate half a sandwich and then my throat felt weird. And then when I tried to take some medicine it was hard to swallow. I calmed down just enough to start crying because I am so sick and tired of this whole thing, and of course that just made things worse. Apparently typing is therapeutic, though, or at least a really good distraction because I'm feeling pretty good now. But I wasn't just a few minutes ago. And I'm still worried. I'm worried about going to work tomorrow, because things are kind of hectic and it's easier for me to get frazzled under those conditions (that happened Monday). I'm worried because yesterday I had some rough patches and today I had some rough patches and that's two days in a row. I'm worried because even though I may be feeling ok, I spend an awful lot of time thinking about how to get out of doing things. Like, I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. Because of what might happen. I don't want to leave the house, really. I ordered stamps online the other day, for goodness sake. It's ridiculous. And I'm worried because I think part of me thinks I might be headed down a road of another five years of not being able to control this part of myself. I don't want to be sick for five years. I don't want to be afraid for five years. I don't want to go on my honeymoon in seven months or whatever and have to go hide in a bathroom somewhere so I can do deep breathing and try desperately to calm down. That wouldn't work too well, anyway, there's so many people at Disney World. I'm just...scared. About everything.

Anyway. All this is to say that I am sick and tired of feeling this way, it's exhausting and time consuming and a real pain. Literally and figuratively. It's stupid and I hate it. I want to be better. I want to know why I'm not better already. At this point I'm so fed up that I'm pretty sure I'd welcome medication again, even though it makes you feel like a soulless robot with no will to live. Maybe that was just Paxil, though. I don't know. If you think of it, I'd appreciate prayer. I need all the help I can get. I need peace. I need to be able to go places without worrying if I'll be able to leave, just in case something happens. In fact, the best thing that could happen is if I just forget the last few weeks. If I can forget I've been having these issues, they'd stop happening. But that's kind of impossible. It's not like that little memory eraser thing from Men in Black really exists.

I'm pretty sure that the people around me, my family, Brandon, and my coworkers, could probably use some prayer, too. For patience and understanding. Those things are really important.

I guess I'd better stop now, since I'm crying again. This is really lame. I might try to go to sleep. Brandon's working until after midnight so I don't really have anyone to talk to. He'll call me when he gets off. I doubt I'll be asleep by then, anyway.

I love toy trains!!!!! hahaha.

2009-06-20T08:41:00.004-04:00

Last night was like, the funniest night ever. You know why? Because me and Kelli got to go see Joel McHale. Star of The Soup. Which is pretty much our favorite show.
Kelli got the tickets for my birthday which was awesome, and so last night we headed downtown to the Louisville Palace. The theater was incredible and I would have loved to get pictures of the lobby, the actual theater, etc., but when I turned my camera on, the battery light was orange, and I wanted to be sure I was able to take pics at the meet and greet after the show.
We had great seats. We were almost on the end of the aisle (one seat between us and the aisle, which stayed empty until right before the show, unfortunately). Twenty rows back, or so. The opening act got started like, fifteen minutes late. I didn't think he was very funny. Maybe that's because I was still pretty distracted by my nerves, and maybe it was because he used so much profanity. But I've seen the guy's show ("Web Soup", a non-funny spinoff of The Soup that shows on G4 and contains all these viral videos from like, 4 years ago that VH1 already had on their show WebJunk 20. But I digress). I was pretty disturbed when he announced that he was on this show on Nickelodeon that Brandon's brothers like to watch, Back to the Barnyard. Anyway. Then we had an intermission, which was a bummer, and then Joel came out. It was very exciting as we are huge fans of his and think he is basically the funniest thing on TV. His show was great! I don't want him to leave The Soup, but he really should do more stand-up shows. This seems to be a fairly new thing, or at least they've only been promoting the shows on The Soup this year or so. Anyway. For the first half of the set, he talked about the show a lot, and Ryan Seacrest and the Kardashians and all the people they've made mad on the show (which was really funny). He talked about Louisville a little, and how he say the name of our city like we're too tired to finish the word. He mentioned the UK Wildcats and most of the crowd went crazy, but when someone in the front row shouted something about the U of L Cardinals, he basically hadn't heard of them. Then he asked if they were any good, and of course, most of the crowd said no. Ha! He also said it was pretty dumb that we don't have any professional sports here since we make all the bats for major league baseball, and suggested that we stop giving them bats until they give us a team.
For the second part of the show, Joel talked about his family. This, I think, was the funniest stuff, which shows that he is hilarious without leaning on material from the show. And...his kid is weird. Hilarious but very weird. The stories about his son were some of the best.
After the show ended we went out into the lobby and formed a line for autographs. I had heard that Joel was really great about meeting the fans, but I had no idea he'd be so friendly and gracious. He made sure he had basically a mini-conversation with each person that came up to the table, and even took pictures, which is something most celebrities are not too fond of, I think. I'm sure he was very tired but he didn't complain at all. When he was stepping away from the table to take pictures with the couple in front of us, he turned to me and Kelli and said "the line ends here, sorry". And then he came back to talk to us. He asked our names and shook our hands and asked if we were best friends, and I told him that yes, Kelli was the best best friend because the ticket to the show was my birthday present. He asked if I had just turned 13. And he signed our stuff (ticket stubs and t-shirts, which we originally hadn't planned on getting signed but whatever, we didn't care at this point) and talked to us a little more. And then he took pictures with each of us, made us promise to watch his new show this fall, and said thanks for coming and he'd see us soon. It was so sweet! I was very impressed, and quite a bit starstruck. I can't really remember meeting that many famous people, and it was super cool to get to meet someone of whom I am such a big fan. He said he'd be back in Louisville in ten years or so, but I hope it's sooner than that.
And after getting a tiny bit lost , traveling down a road that ended rather abruptly with no warning at a train track not marked by any kind of signage, and sealing ourselves in the car with the alarm set, I finally got home around midnight. Didn't fall asleep until 1, and of course now I'm pretty tired and I have to go to work. Oh well. I will come home and go to bed early tonight to make up for it.

Watch!

2009-06-19T13:59:00.002-04:00

Hey! Check out this beautiful interview Jon Stewart with Mike Huckabee on last night's Daily Show. This is how discussions about ALL issues should be. Common ground is important and notice how civil and thoughtful the discussion was while neither side gave up any of their most important principles. This is the extended interview (it's longer than the edited one that was shown on the show).

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Extended Interview Pt. 1

thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Jason Jones in Iran

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Extended Interview Pt. 2

thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Jason Jones in Iran

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Extended Interview Pt. 3

thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Jason Jones in Iran

Why bother with titles?

2009-06-12T18:55:00.005-04:00

Have you ever had one of those days when you just feel weird? Today is one of those days. It started out fine, and I did get some stuff done, but I sort of have a headache. I'm sort of tired. I start to do something and don't feel like doing it anymore. I don't know if I want to be asleep or awake, busy or lazy. I honestly can't tell if I'm hungry (or maybe I just don't want lasagna. I don't know.) It's weird and bothersome. I wish it would go away, since it's almost seven and I still have stuff to do before tomorrow (work! ick!)

So, how have wedding things been going, you ask? Well, pretty good I suppose. I didn't mention that like, more than a month ago, Mammaw took me to order my bridal shoes, did I? Well, we did, and they came in last week, I think. My dress came in the day before yesterday (exciting!) Also I ordered Brandon's wedding ring (it was on sale- go, me) and it came in today. And I ordered my toasting flutes and cake knife set a few weeks ago and they came in this week. Mammaw ordered me this matching bud vase and a picture frame at the same time and they are apparently in, though I haven't seen them. Here are some pictures of things:

+
The Shoes (which are sparkier in person)...

The bridesmaid's dress(es), from Alfred Angelo...

The picture frame, vase, etc. They have Cinderella's castle and coaches on them, and are adorable.

blech.

2009-06-08T16:02:00.002-04:00

I have to leave for work in approximately eight minutes.
This is kind of stressful. You see, over the last week and a half or so (maybe longer than that) I have been having some issues. It started with an upset stomach. Well, tummy issues are what triggers my panic attacks. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal but apparently all the medicine I have been taking lately for other things has thrown my system out of whack and now, for whatever reason, I am especially prone to anxiety. For a week straight I had at least one panic attack per day. Not good. Last Tuesday I had to leave Bible study early because I was feeling sick and freaking out. Thursday I did ok, until right before I left for work. I got all worked up in the car on the way over, then as soon as I walked in had a massive panic attack and stayed in the staff bathroom for almost half an hour. Then I went home. Friday I couldn't leave the house. It's been ugly.
So then came Saturday, and I had to work all day long. I did ok. Actually mom says I did really well. There were a few rough patches when I had to be up at the desk by myself, but I got through it. Sunday morning went just lovely, then Sunday afternoon, I let my nerves get the best of me and left Brandon's in a tizzy. So now I'm afraid of what's going to happen at work tonight. And although I've been feeling perfectly normal all day today, about ten minutes ago my stomach started to get upset and my breathing is getting a little shallow. I am doing my best to stay calm. I would really appreciate your prayers, though. I can't keep living like this. The medicine I am taking is doing wonders for me in some areas but the anxiety is just bad. I hate it. I hate feeling like this and I hate the way I act when I have panic attacks. It's embarassing. But anyway. I need all the prayer I can get.
Now I just have two minutes before I have to leave. I have a thermos full of crushed ice (90% of my diet the past week) and some Bible verses on an index card in my pocket. Please, let tonight go well. Also tomorrow, as it's Bible study, and I know that at least at first I'm going to have a rough time there, because of what happened last week.

A post! A post! They don't come around often enough.

2009-05-27T08:55:00.003-04:00

I saw my mom working on this a few days ago and have been waiting for her to post it so I'd have something to do. As you can guess, these are my "favorites." You know, in case you are out running errands today and think to your self "What is Jessi's favorite smell?"

1. Color: I like pink and purple the best, but I wear a lot of black. Black goes with everything. It's also convenient, because most of my clothes are black. I like silver, too, but who wears silver? Besides Billy Corrigan, I mean.

2. Dessert: I like lemon things, like lemon tarts. Chocolate is good. I'm a fan of food in general, though, so pretty much anything is good.

3. Smell: Clean laundry. Or dryer sheets. I need to find out what detergent Brandon's family uses and buy that, because he always smells like dryer sheets. This is not the only reason I am marrying him.

4. Flower: Daffodils

5. Animal: walruses and penguins.

6. Month: October, probably. It's getting cooler and Christmas is just around the corner.

7. Beverage: I mostly drink water (it's very good) but I wouldn't say no to a properly made Shirley Temple. I have to make that distinction because the last one I had was mostly grenadine. The syrup even suffocated the bubbles in the sprite. It was sickly.

8. pair of shoes: I wear my vans a lot. Um. Anything I don't have to tie over and over...

9. snack: Right now I am pretty much addicted to Baked Barbecue Lay's. It comes and goes. Again, I like food. I'm not picky. Usually.

10. song: I have a bajillion. I could name my top like, six, if you want. "Kathy's Song" (live) by Simon & Garfunkel, "Faithfully" by Journey, "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls, "Your Song" performed by Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge, pretty much everything Elton John ever did...the list goes on and on. Seriously.

11. book: The only books I can read at any time, over and over, are the Harry Potter series. I have a lot of books (or series) that I refuse to let go of, though.

12. fruit: Mangoes, bananas, maraschino cherries. Anything mild. I hate acidity. Oddly enough, though, I love lemon desserts. Just not lemonade. Ugh.

13. hair style: long. I hate having short hair. Though in the summer, my long, thick hair is like carrying a large woolly animal on my head, or perhaps several hats.

14. piece of clothing: I like my shirts from Abort73. I wear them often. Actually, pretty much any day I'm not at work.

15. store to clothes shop: Mainly Target. I appreciate $6 tank top week.

16. season: Winter. No sunburn, non allergies, extra blankets, and Christmas.

17. hobby: I like to read. I like to read cookbooks and tell myself "someday I will have some money and I can make all this". I like movies, especially watching them with Brandon. And I like to play a few select video games, apparently.

18. thing to collect: I have a lot of books, and even more DVDs. I have some other random collections of things that people bought me five of, and then maybe they went out of business, or found something else to get me. Like, I have a few Mary Moo's (tiny cows that wear people clothes and do people things. They're cute, trust me), and a few Faerie Glen figurines. I also have lots of Star Wars toys, but they are currently residing under my bed.

19. movies: Most "classic" Disney, Moulin Rouge, LOTR, the original Star Wars trilogy, um...I like movies. I have lots of "favorites". Same with songs, I guess.

20. Restaurant: Oh, I like anywhere and everywhere, for different reasons. I like going out to eat and trying new things. Particularly seafood. I don't get to do it as often as I'd like. This is why I am always particularly excited to get gift cards for Christmas- I get to go on a date with Brandon, and I get good food. Well, hopefully it's good.

Why does this not exist anymore?????

2009-05-17T20:35:00.000-04:00

more win

2-1.

2009-05-11T22:29:00.002-04:00

Happy birthday to me!

Today was my 21st birthday, which for some people would be a big deal (ahem) but not me, other than the fact that I am grateful to have reached the age of 21 without any major deals healthwise. I have all my limbs and a house with air conditioning. I am happy.

This morning Brandon came and picked me up and gave me a sweet birthday card (he gave me my present Saturday- the whole series of the Cosby show! I wish I were a Huxtable...) and we went to Half Price Books. I got a neat gigantic international cookbook worth 50 pounds for $14 USD. It has lots of pretty pictures and I'm pretty excited about it, although if I had looked at it more closely before I bought it I would have noticed it was mostly Thai and Indian recipes, which isn't really my style of cooking, but whatevs. It still has lots of basic sauces and doughs and a spice guide and that's pretty cool. Then we went out to lunch (O'Charley's, because I wanted soup and I never get it) and then went to see Star Trek. It was fantastic! I'm not a huge fan of the original series (TOS), I'm more into The Next Generation (TNG- Patrick Stewart!) and I like Star Wars much better, but the movie was fantastic. It was very entertaining and I think even someone who didn't care for the franchise would like it. It was so enjoyable that one tended not to notice the fact that some pretty big and ridiculous coincidences would have to happen for the plot to be even remotely plausible. Still....go see it! I seriously doubt you'll be disappointed.

Then Brandon brought me home and I took a nap (he had to go to work) and mom and dad made all my favorite foods for dinner. When I made the list for them I didn't realize just how much food it was. I am seriously stuffed! I had Cap'N Crunch Chicken, deviled eggs, baked beans, cheesy penne and this one salad mom makes that is so good (romaine lettuce, apples, pears, dried cranberries, a little parmesan and cashews in a dressing). Yeah...that's a lot of food. But who cares, I had an early soup lunch and leftovers for a while. That's fine with me. And cookies! Mom made cookies. I love chocolate chip cookies and would rather have them than a birthday cake, so that's what I got. My presents from my family were very nice as well. I have some new DVDs to watch and some Disney Dollars to save for my honeymoon next year!

I have to admit that I am a little sad, though, as this is my last birthday at home. It's weird. It's been a weird weekend all around, what with Brandon graduating and me getting older and such. Just...weird. Good, but weird.

Anyway, I think I am supposed to be in bed asleep, but before I go, may I direct you over to my momma's blog? She made a very sweet video for my birthday and she's very proud of it (as she should be.)

Libraries! Technology! Wow!

2009-05-11T19:52:00.003-04:00

Our local library system has started a wish list on Amazon.com! This is pretty neat, actually. Right now there are some children's books on there that the library needs. There may be more things on there at a later time. This is a new thing for us. As residents of our community are aware, our library system has taken some hits recently because of the economy (we are a part of the city government) but demand for library services only continues to grow as people realize just how valuable libraries are. If you love libraries and are interested in helping out (or know someone who might be), feel free to share this link with them. The library has a particular focus on helping children in our city. All public school students and most private school students were issued library cards in the last year or so, and the library sponsors a "summer reading program" every year to encourage literacy and good reading habits in children birth through age 14 (now we have one for teens, too!). So again, if you're interested, have an interest in childhood literacy, or just love libraries, feel free to check out the link! If you're like me, sometimes you like to round out an order from Amazon so you get the free super-saver shipping. This would be a great way to do so!

Good Days

2009-05-10T10:54:00.002-04:00

Happy Mother's Day!
I gave my mom her presents last night so all I have to do today is behave myself. ^_^

Yesterday was Brandon's graduation. I spent pretty much the whole day with his family, from getting to his house at 9 a.m. to the breakfast thing at Bellarmine (note to school: you might want to have more tables and more food next year) to taking his little brothers on a tour of campus to the ceremony at noon to his party at his house. I didn't get home until about 9 p.m. It was a good day. I am very proud of him for not only finishing his schooling in such a timely manner (unlike me) but for trying so hard and making such wonderful grades (also unlike me).

I am looking forward to another good day tomorrow, as well. It's my birthday! Brandon is taking me out to lunch, and we're going to see a movie, and probably taking stuff to Half Price Books to sell, meaning I will come home tomorrow afternoon with even more books. And then my dear pal Kelli is coming over for dinner. I'm pretty psyched.

1.5 hours to go...

2009-05-04T15:04:00.003-04:00

So...I am out of school for the summer. Finals were gross but they could have been worse. Brandon graduates this Saturday and I'm very proud of him. He is supposed to have a phone interview today with a company, and he called me a little while ago and they still hadn't called him. Hopefully he's talking to them now. It would be really great if he can go ahead and get a job now- "miraculous" would be a good word, actually.
And now I'm waiting for him to call, and waiting for it to be time to go to work....and that is all. If you are reading this this afternoon, please say a prayer about this job situation. Hopefully I will have good news to report soon!

I tried really hard not to make this weird and/or cheesy.

2009-04-12T09:58:00.003-04:00

Recently I was pondering writing something about superheroes. My favorite superheroes wouldn't normally be labeled as such. I mean, Batman's ok, but other than that, I don't really care. However, I totally consider some literary characters to be superheroes. They can't fly (well, not on their own) and don't have laserbeams or a bat signal or anything, but Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia and [*gasp* ] Harry Potter are superheroes in my book. What makes them so special?
Aslan faced humiliation and pain when he laid down his life in exchange for that of another. Edmund Pevensie broke the rules and deserved whatever punishment the White Witch should have chosen to give him, but Aslan, knowing what his enemies would do to him, knowing how much it would hurt, traded his life for Edmund's. And his death was not a simple, quick execution. It was drawn out in agony and his enemies did their best to bring as much shame on him as they could. He died, but he came back. The stone on which he died was broken and he came back and saved the day.
Harry Potter did his best to try to grow up a regular guy. He knew for a while that someday he would eventually have to face his enemy- a dark and evil wizard. When the battle was raging and his friends and fellow students were dying in an epic fight against evil, Harry walked willingly into the arms of death. He could have run, could have found someone else to fight his battles for him, but he knew what he had to do and he did it. He let himself be killed, in part, to save his friends. He came back, too. Those who had watched him grow up and had been the closest thing to family he had ever known were shocked and cried in disbelief. But when Harry came back, he met his enemy face to face, and defeated him. And his world was set right again.
We always think of superheroes as being ficticious. Real people can't fly. They can't shoot big metal claws out of their hands like Wolverine, or swing from building to building on webs like Spider Man. We love superheroes because they do things that wouldn't really happen in the real world. People don't have magical powers like in Harry Potter, and lions can't talk like they do in Narnia. And surely no one would really, willingly lay down their life for people they just met or maybe don't even know. But someone did! His name is Jesus. He traded his life to make our wrongs right. He was humiliated and suffered a painful death, one he went to willingly. He accepted his fate and died for our sins. And He came back! He lives today, and he will be coming back again and defeating the enemy and making our world right.
This Easter, don't let the focus be on how much candy you did or didn't get. The Easter Bunny isn't real. This is Resurrection Day. Let's give thanks to the real reason today is special: Jesus.

Question, meet answer.

2009-04-10T13:29:00.000-04:00

see more pwn and owned pictures

hiccup

2009-03-30T08:51:00.002-04:00

So, I feel pretty nasty this morning (my head and ears are going "bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" and I kept waking up last night feeling puke-ish.) But yesterday was Brandon's birthday and I needed to tell everyone. Even though he told me to stop talking about him on here. ^_^

Birthday weekend started on Friday, when we watched a movie at my house and mom and dad bought a brownie cheesecake (after I tried to get two or three other things from other uncooperative places.) He got his presents from me and from them on Friday. Saturday we both worked, then I went to church with him on Sunday and stayed at his house all day. Ice cream cake was had, and we went to Golden Corral for dinner. I'm pretty sure that that is always where he chooses to go for his birthday because they have ice cream. It's not because it's a buffet- he only gets one plate, usually. I had two, but I don't think the second one counts because it was just those yummy rolls they have with their honey-butter spread.
So despite the fact that his NCAA bracket is messed up now (he, like so many others, had U of L winning the whole thing. I figure, they haven't done it since 1986, they're probably not going to do it now. But didn't think they'd be out this early. I digress.) I think he's pretty happy with his birthday weekend. And that's a good thing.

yawn

2009-03-28T17:20:00.004-04:00

Despite having a very sore foot and a tired body after an interesting day at work, I am quite excited as a brief, casual conversation today lead me to think that a very big prayer request I have had for quite some time has a chance of being answered in a very positive way. This makes me very happy and excited. My prayer request now would be for patience, and also understanding that God works everything out, whether it's the way I plan it or not.

I'm a follower, not a fan.

2009-03-27T20:51:00.003-04:00

If you have a bit of free time on your hands, please feel free to watch this sermon from my church from this past weekend. As a bit of introduction, I would like to say that I appreciate both of my pastors so much, and Kyle's sermons are always awesome (he's the associate minister.) Every once in a while he just completely hits it out of the park, as it were. God has blessed him with a knack for delivering particularly powerful messages on our culture today and the state of Christianity- and where it's headed. This message was so powerful he received many emails and was compelled to record a tiny little follow-up on his webcam (which is on the site, as well.)
If you want to be a completely committed follower of Jesus, and not just an "enthusiastic fan", you don't want to miss it.

A brief exclamation.

2009-03-24T14:43:00.002-04:00

I have come to the conclusion that weddings- the business, not the concept- are a racket.

Recently my dad and I went out shopping looking for some wedding decorations. We stopped in Factory Card Outlet, a party supply store. I have been looking for some different iron-on crystals and things that say "Bride" or "Just Married" to decorate either a few shirts or a bag for my honeymoon (special treatment at Disney World, aka "pixie dust", being my motive.) Wal-Mart used to have so me for like, $2.50, They were almost nine dollars at FCO. Nine! I found a hat- just a simple baseball cap- with plain stitching that said "Bride" on it for $18, and a pre-wrapped plain white t-shirt with a cheap looking iron-on transfer that said "Bride" for $35. Oh, my word.
That much money could get me at least three shirts (that arent' wrapped in plastic and therefore I can ensure they fit) from Target and decorate them myself with stuff from another store.
I have seen $50 tank tops, $30 beach towels, and other such atrocities selling for ridiculous prices, simply because they have a wedding-related word on them. It's weird and sad and mildly infuriating.

I guess I should go back to cleaning my room now.

I may be freaking out a little.

2009-03-20T20:53:00.002-04:00

Oh me oh my.
Do you know who is coming to my city in June? Only the coolest person ever. Cooler than Steve Perry or Barry Manilow or any of the other random people I appreciate on an odd level. Cooler even than, I daresay, Bono.

Well, almost, anyway.

It's.....

JOEL MCHALE!!!!!

Oh my gosh. I am so excited. I told Kelli, and she maybe may look into getting tickets for a late birthday present for me maybe (it's in June, my birthday is in May). Even if that doesn't happen, we must go. I will find a way. Joel is awesome. He is hilarious and neat. And we are his biggest fans.

Yay! *claps hands excitedly*

Don't you hate it when your glass sticks to the coaster?

2009-03-15T18:51:00.004-04:00

On a scale of 1 to 10, how tired are you?
I'm about an eight. For reals.

Inventory is over and it wasn't horrible. Well, for me it wasn't. I wasn't mutilated by a blood thirsty wall fixture. I found a couple of CDs and finally, after a year of searching (since last inventory, actually), I found a Bible cover I like. And I even bought it (doesn't that go without saying?)

I dropped another class at school, and we found out that I can't take the semester off in the fall, unfortunately, without committing some sort of insurance fraud (which we would like to avoid.) I submitted an application to U of L, and might also to the community college so I can stay full time without digging myself into an even larger hole financially (I added up what I owe so far and let's just say with the money I owe, I could pay for my wedding, honeymoon, and put a down payment on a house for the same amount of money. Plus buy plenty of souvenirs. But on the bright side, it's not as bad as I thought it was.)

And now I must get back to my studies. I have a quiz tomorrow, apparently, and I'd like to be at least somewhat prepared for it. How many days until school is out? Maybe then my blog posts will be more interesting, since I will have a wee bit more free time, and will be wedding-planning full time.

The break is over.

2009-03-09T12:21:00.002-04:00

So WinterJam was pretty cool. We left before 3:30 and headed off to Lexington, passing our state capital and marveling at all the signs pointing out distilleries along the way. I was under the impression that Bourbon was basically invented in Kentucky, but I had no idea we were so proud of it. There were also lots of horses. I assume none of them were drinking bourbon.
Our parking spot was pretty close to the arena, and there seemed to be a little crowd of people gathered near the entrance when we walked up. We were quite shocked to see how long the line actually was. I've decided I'm not a fan of "general admission". And next time, let me tell you, I will wear more sensible shoes. My poor feet are covered in pink Hello Kitty band-aids.
When we finally got to our seats, some tween band was finishing up "Footloose". I enjoy that movie, and Kevin Bacon, and Kenny Loggins and all that, but I'm not really sure why they chose to sing the theme song to a movie that basically makes fun of some Christians and their anti-dancing policies. Hmm. Francesca Batistelli was pretty good, but I don't think most of the people there knew more than one of her songs, so I guess it was good she only sang three. The Afters were just great, and Hawk Nelson was a lot of fun. HN got to perform quite a few songs. I must admit I wasn't a fan of NewSong, but they "hosted" the event so they got to sing quite a bit. At least they didn't do Christmas Shoes. *_*
After some awkward pandering to the youthful audience from the speaker, we had the privilege to see Toby Mac. Well, most of the time we could see him. During the last few songs someone thought it would be okay for their middle school-age children to come stand against the gaping railings (we were pretty high up) that happened to be right in our line of sight. The music was fantastic, though, and I'm glad I got to go. After a stop at Steak and Shake we got back at 1:30, technically, because of the time change, and I actually got up later and went to church. Go, me!

And now spring break is over, and I am sad, and later I will figure out how many days it is until Easter break. It may only be a day or two, but I don't care. I despise school. Blech.

Hopefully those of you who are going to have your spring breaks at a reasonable, spring-y time will have fun, too!

Newsflash

2009-03-06T21:57:00.004-05:00

Someone found their wedding dress today and put a down payment on it. And someone also has some pretty sweet pictures of it, and someone would love to share but someone thinks maybe she shouldn't, because that might spoil part of the awesomeness that will be January 2nd, 2010. So you will either have to deal with the suspense or go to someone's mom's blog and see the picture she posted of some skinny tall model wearing said dress.

It'd be nice if someone baked some cookies.

2009-03-05T20:12:00.007-05:00

Zoo day was today. It was colder than expected, most of the eateries and half the bathrooms were closed, and the garbage can attacked me (it's too complicated to explain, but my fingers still hurt). Also about a third of the animals weren't out, but I was still glad to spend a day with Brandon. I feel like we don't see each other very much anymore, because before I saw him a lot at school, and now, not so much. Anyway. I will be happy when summer comes because we can hang out more, and also I won't have classes. Hopefully he will get a job quickly...that's another post for another time (and a topic that has been covered many times before).
So anyway, because my life is usually pretty boring, when I take pictures, it's kind of a big deal. So here are some MORE pictures of the same old animals at the Louisville Zoo.

Lunchtime

2009-03-03T11:40:00.002-05:00

Good morning. I am sitting here at work, half asleep, eating a bag of "Funyuns" for lunch. What are funyuns, you ask? They are a cross between a potato chip and an onion ring. They are crunchy and delicious. I don't think I want to know what they are made out of.
I got to work almost half an hour early this morning, completely by accident. My original plan was to leave the house at eight and go to the grocery store. Well, I thought to myself, I'd rather sleep in. I didn't leave until almost eight thirty, got my groceries, and wandered aimlessly around the store for a little while, and I STILL got here early. I brought my things in and put them in the freezer (Kroger's frozen food is on sale, if you're interested.) I thought about going and relaxing on this couch that we have out in the library until I was supposed to work, but no. We had a computer class this morning, which started an hour before we opened. I got here about ten minutes into it. I didn't start working until five minutes before I was supposed to, though. And I am the only clerk here, which means I've checked in the bookdrop, done all the reserves and the route-in books (things that are sent back to us from other branches) by myself, PLUS put together two carts of books for our page to shelve. I feel pretty awesome in the work department right about now. We will see how things go when other people start to take lunches, though...
I'm glad I feel good about work because I've been feeling pretty bad about everything else lately. Really, I have spent so much time crying lately about stupid stuff. I'm not really ashamed to admit it because I know that I have trouble coping with life sometimes. This is one of those times. I feel very unmotivated and short on time. I also feel like I get things wrong a lot. I have spent a lot of time lately worrying. I am really looking forward to the end of the week- I might be feeling better then. It's supposed to get warmer here, and Brandon and I are going to the zoo on Thursday, we are going wedding dress shopping on Friday, and on Saturday I am going to "Winter Jam" with Kelli. It's a Christian music concert in Lexington. I'm really looking forward to it. Some cool artists are supposed to perform, and I have been working on some spectacular mix cds for the ride up there (or over there- where is Lexington again?) I am kind of worried about going because the last time I was in Lexington was not good (tummy issues and panic attacks) but I keep telling myself I will refuse to let it get to me, because after all, we are going to hear Jesus music, and that will make me feel better.

Ten minutes later....I'm going to see if I can find some games to play online. I'm still working on those Funyuns. And my feet are cold.

I blither like a magpie.

2009-02-26T09:27:00.002-05:00

It's not particularly early, but I'm not particularly awake, either. I got up a few minutes ago, went and found the newspaper, and read the section of readers' letters- about the only part I read. Our city is fairly large, and our paper goes to a lot of people, I guess. They are apparently experiencing financial problems like every other newspaper. It doesn't help that in the past year, dozens of people have had letters published stating they were canceling their subscriptions (one guy called the paper a "urinal". It was awesome), if they indeed followed through with those promises, and surely more followed suit, as our paper is infuriatingly biased. Really. It's disturbing and oftentimes gives me a headache. I could have sworn journalism was supposed to be objective, not subjective.
Anyway. A month or two ago they started shifting things around in the newspaper, making the print smaller, eliminating some sections on some days (like the classifieds) and some sections altogether. Our paper has gone from a sizable stack of news to a few pages one might think came from a small town. Maybe a newsletter. My university's paper has more pages than our newspaper sometimes.
Despite the fact that they appear to be in dire straits, that nearly everyone in the country is feeling some kind of financial pinch, they continue to publish something that the readers have been complaining about for as long as I remember. On Fridays, I think it is, our paper publishes three pages on a big fancy home in town. They divulge information like square footage, number of workout rooms and home theaters, and where so-and-so had their fancy bathtubs and columns imported from. What is the point? Honestly! I don't understand why this kind of information is being printed. I don't know what purpose it serves, other than to say "hey, this person lives in town. They must have some money, huh?" If we did a special on an annual design showcase, or something, that would be different. This is EVERY WEEK. I don't understand it. It doesn't make me jealous (well, the family whose kid had a really awesome Star Wars room made me a tiny bit envious. Maybe.) And readers continue to write in about this feature. Some are offended, some are saddened, others are just confused, like the writer today. If the paper doesn't want to spend money to publish a section of classifieds on Mondays- which includes bargains, help wanted ads, and available employment- why on earth would they think they HAD to publish this section? Wouldn't it make more sense to maybe profile a family who is making do with a little less, like the rest of us? A family who has recently lost some income but manages to make a small home (like the majority of us has) beautiful? Cost-saving advice wouldn't be too bad either. Really, how does it benefit me, and everyone else like me, to read about what I don't have, what I will never have? I don't get it. I'm sure that the people being profiled aren't all selfish braggarts, but the fact that they submitted their names for this kind of feature in a dying newspaper that refuses to get with the program, as it were, doesn't really make me have the best opinion of them.

How is your newspaper doing? Has it made any ridiculous decisions lately?

By the way, while I am wasting time to wake myself up, I feel the need to acknowledge the end of the season for one of my favorite television shows- Top Chef. If I was disciplined enough, I would have written posts about each episode, as some other people do on their personal blogs for their favorite shows. I was going to write last week, too, but I forgot.
Hosea won Top Chef. I did not like Hosea too much. Fabio and Carla were my favorites, Fabio lost last week and Carla just lost it. Carla's style is very individual and her dishes are inspired. She seems like she doesn't want to cook something if it doesn't come from her heart. She talks a lot about sending love through her food to the diner. I liked that. She was really sweet. For the finale, the judges brought back three runners-up from previous seasons. Richard, who was extremely talented and likable, and had some crazy skills with molecular gastronomy; Marcel, who was difficult to work with and had an obsession with foams, but was a hard worker and nearly always put out fantastic food; and Kasey (or Casey?). Kasey had talent, but I never really found her dishes or personality to be memorable. One time for a quickfire challenge Kasey lost her team's considerable lead by taking insanely long to chop an onion. That bothered me. I was kind of worried when Carla got Kasey for the finale as her sous chef. I was right to do so. Kasey ended up talking agreeable and personable Carla into changing two of her three dishes. The meat in one was pronounced to be texturally unappealing, and everyone- even her fellow chefs- was shocked when Carla announced what exactly that dish was. Then, for her last course, Carla was going to make a cheese tart. Carla had made tarts maybe three other times in the competition, and every time the judges fawned over them. I think that at least once her tart was pronounced the best and most memorable part of a team's meal. Kasey, I think, put doubts into Carla's mind about the authenticity of a tart at a French meal (which it wasn't, but they were in New Orleans) and convinced her a souffle would be a better idea. The souffles curdled in the oven, Carla couldn't bring herself to serve them, and she lost. In a big way. The judges didn't even really consider her at the last Judges' Table. And she cried, and Stefan, the evil European comforted her, which was surprising. Anyway. It made me sad. It was a really good season, though, and I look forward to it starting up again. I wish I could be Top Chef. Or at least be a guest judge. And if I ever have to have anything catered in D.C., I'm definitely calling Carla. ^_^

Weekend

2009-02-23T08:20:00.002-05:00

A.) My throat hurts

B.) I don't know if school is going to happen today

C.) Yesterday I went to Brandon's game

D.) They lost

E.)When we tried to leave, my car wouldn't start

F.) It was really cold

G.) Eventually Pappaw and Uncle Brian came out and fiddled with it. It is fixed, I guess.

H.) I didn't really get to spend time with Brandon, because I went home after that.

I.)My fish is still dying.

J.) While cleaning my room, I found a box of all this old stuff from school.

K.)I am saving it for when Kelli comes over so we can reminisce about something that happened just a few years ago.

L.) People are so different now it seems like it's been a lot longer.

M.) I'm different, too.

I am out of things to say but I feel kind of bad not finishing the alphabet. I don't know why I didn't just use numbers but I don't feel like changing it now. I have "hot eye" (that weird feeling you get in your eyes when you have a fever) and my one wisdom tooth is KILLING me, so I'm going to take some Tylenol and try to take a nap. Remind me to tell you sometime about the fact that Disney now has a cost estimator on their wedding website and how depressing some of the numbers are. Really. $25k for a ceremony with 18 guests in front of Cinderella's castle. Oh yeah. I said I'd tell you later.

Babies! (not mine!)

2009-02-19T21:32:00.003-05:00

Well, I had hoped to have a lovely story to share with you about taking our baby stuff to A Woman's Choice today. The story is short. Google gave us bad directions, and when we found the place we laughed at the fact that it shares a building with the Okolona Planned Parenthood. Ha! Take that, baby haters! And the sign for AWC was way bigger than Planned Parenthood's.
The place was tiny, and they had to open the door from the inside (the blinds were drawn at Planned Parenthood, too). For some reason I don't think that this was how the building was originally designed. It was an odd reminder of exactly how divisive the issue of abortion is in our country. I wonder if they have had any incidents there? I kind of doubt it, just because of the way the building and parking lot were situated, and the fact that there were hardly any cars around.
We were welcomed into the tiny waiting room and asked to place our boxes on the floor, and we were told we were "awesome" and that was that. It made me smile and I'm excited to start putting together more boxes of stuff to take over there again. Hopefully one of these days I will have some free time and be able to volunteer over there. This particular location (there are two in my city) is only open about 15 hours a week. Part of this may have to do with the fact that it seems it's more urgent to have the other location open more often, as it is across the street from the last abortion clinic in our fairly large metropolitan area. Anyway. I want to help out. Hopefully I will be able to someday soon.

Speaking of babies, our friend Rachel just updated her blog to announce that she and her husband are expecting! They just had their first child, Averi, about ten months ago, I guess. It's pretty exciting. Congratulations!

What's for breakfast? Answer: Nothing.

2009-02-19T08:55:00.003-05:00

Good morning. I don't know how today is going to go. I was feeling kind of grumpy earlier this week, and then Tuesday night was awesome. Kelli came over and we watched videos of high school on my computer. And we had Applebee's, and it was all lovely lovely. Yesterday was kind of warm for a little while and people on the radio must have known I was listening because they played like, four awesome songs in a row. I felt quite a bit better.
And then there's this morning. Apparently I, or someone else, reset my alarm clock in the middle of the night, as it never went off this morning. Brandon called at 8:30. I was supposed to get up at 7. All I did was set my alarm forward one hour from yesterday, when I set it for 6. Upon closer inspection, I found that the alarm was set for 7 PM. What is up with that?
Now I am slightly discombobulated, thrown off my schedule, and trying to convince myself to get to work. I have a paper due tonight that I must write today. My presentation on the Quiverfull movement for my IDC class is tomorrow morning (I am prepared, just nervous because there are a lot of people at my school who apparently hate Christians and the things they do, and at least one of the vocal ones is in my class, and I just don't want to deal with her). And Fernald, my fish, is dying again. It's very distracting to have a fish experiencing death throes on the shelf above one's computer. Just so you know. I wish I could have him put to sleep. This is kind of bothering me...
Anyway. Today Kelli and I are supposed to venture over to A Woman's Choice, the crisis pregnancy center I've mentioned. I'm really excited. We have a ton of stuff for them and it's really cute! There's a box full of just bottles and pacifiers, one full of clothes, and one full of baby blankets and crib sheets and stuff. It's all really cute and it will be put to good use.

Maybe I will have more interesting and/or relevant things to say on spring break. I'm looking forward to it, even though it's not really going to be spring when we're off school (the first week of March!). I'm hoping we can go to the zoo, and take an afternoon to work on one of our wedding registries, because there are birthdays coming up and some people will want to get us stuff for our house, should we ever finally get one. I know Brandon will not be looking forward to that (he told me to just do it myself) but he's going to be living there too, and should have a say in things like...sheets...and measuring cups. Brandon absolutely hates shopping, though. It visibly exhausts him. One time we went to the mall to look for a birthday present for one of my friends. I was looking for a stuffed animal. We walked in the mall, walked straight to one store that is mostly earrings and purses and stuff, but they have some stuffed animals. It didn't take long to look through them all, and Brandon was already shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Then we walked to the second and last store, the toy store. As soon as we reached the plush toy section, he seemed to be wiped out. I find this hilarious and occasionally annoying. He hates it so much! But he'll just have to deal with it.

I should probably get to work on my paper, huh?

I write these like mass emails.

2009-02-14T09:01:00.003-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

Brandon and I had Valentine's Day yesterday because we both have to work today. It was nice. Netflix was maybe late sending our move so all we had to watch was the Office (I've seen them all but we're almost through the third season together) and I didn't mind. We used our Applebee's gift card we got for Christmas and brought the food home. I had that fiesta lime chicken that three people have told me was amazing, and it really was. I'm proud of myself for trying something new (I love new food but not always at familiar restaurants. If it's bad I would spend them meal thinking "I knew I should have ordered such-and-such"). Brandon got a ginormous burger and I had a bite of that and it was good, too. Next Valentine's Day we will be married! And we will probably spend it the same way- at home watching movies or whatever. I don't mind that at all.

I have tons of homework to do this weekend- essays and studying for two midterms- but I am trying to keep a happy face about it. I haven't decided what to do about school yet...so I won't say anything about it.

I hope everyone has a fun weekend!

^_^ <-- happy me. If I had no nose.

2009-02-08T18:16:00.002-05:00

Thing I learned today:

If your city has recently been covered in ice (no exaggeration), it will make you really appreciate the first day of the year when it's warm enough to drive with the moon roof of your snow-dirty car open and the windows rolled down.

I meant to mention this last week but Brandon's mom is in the Philippines, for some unknown work related reason, and she will be gone several weeks. If you find yourself thinking about the Philippines any time in the next month and a half, could you send up a prayer for her safety?

I have lots of homework to do and shouldn't even be updating this, but the warm weather (temporary though it may be) has put me in a good mood and I felt like sharing it.

Oh. My. Gosh.

2009-02-04T14:48:00.002-05:00

I've been feeling pretty down lately, set off last night by the fact that I cannot do math. Really. I hate it. I was frustrated while studying chemistry and it was a downward spiral after that. So while checking my email and favorite websites this afternoon I stumbled across this gem, completely by coincidence, and I feel so much better about myself. I'm sure that's horrible, but I don't care. I needed a mood-booster.

I can't feel my hands. Ish.

2009-01-31T20:43:00.003-05:00

It's still cold. The roads are getting better but I don't think the snow is melting much. There are still tons of people without power, including some members of my family and some coworkers. It could still be a week before they get power back and it's....it's just so inconvenient and icky and annoying. Thankfully our power never went out, so our refrigerator is full of food from my grandma's house (her power has been out since Wednesday, I think). It's been so crowded at work, too! Some people have come in and used our outlets to charge cell phones and stuff, but I think most of them are just bored, honestly. I'm normally a big fan of winter (Christmas! Christmas break! And heat is gross) but this is just getting silly. And despite the fact that spring in the Ohio Valley is absolutely horrible and disgusting (ever felt like your sinuses were going to explode?) I think I'm looking forward to the thaw and warmer weather. I'm tired of being cold, for once.

It will be interesting catching up with school work next week (apparently some power is still out on campus but they are determined to have classes anyway) and hopefully everything will be OK.

I don't have anything interesting to say (do I say that often?), I was just bored and I'm putting off taking a shower because once I do I will want to go to bed, and it's too early. So, here I am hanging out on blogger. I think more people should update their blogs so I will have something to read other than my "Plessy vs. Ferguson" book for History class. So, get to it, people!

See?

2009-01-29T12:37:00.007-05:00

I think there's a gnome in here somewhere...

Brrrrrrrrrr

2009-01-29T12:21:00.002-05:00

Things here are bad. Well, sort of. Thankfully we have power (it would be really bad if we didn't, with all the animals and such). But it really does look like bombs have been going off all over the city, and then the whole place was spray-painted white. I had to go in to work yesterday (my boss was there for five or six hours by herself) and we had to take a few alternate routes to travel to the library, which really isn't that far from my house. I don't think we passed a single yard that didn't have some kind of limbs or trees in it. It's rather apocalyptic looking, I guess. And then there are the downed power lines (we accidentally drove over a dead one yesterday, and another was about to fall). People are trapped in their neighborhoods and subdivisions, roped off from the rest of the world by caution tape and giant frozen trees. The roads are nasty, too. My school has yet to cancel classes for tomorrow but to be honest, if they don't call them off, they are insane- especially since everything at my school is no a hill. If everything wasn't covered in ice and snow, it would look like we had been hit by some powerful, mysterious tornado that only attacks plants and power lines (not buildings). It's downright creepy.

Hopefully we will continue to have power and stay reasonably warm here at home. If classes are canceled tomorrow I don't *have* to go anywhere until Saturday, which is good.

Hopefully winter weather is treating you better than it is Louisville.

If you're bored and like reading news stories, here are a few about what's going on in our neck of the woods:

1.3 Million Lose Power, Long Outage Feared

Governor Declares State of Emergency

Ice Storm Photo Gallery

Photo Gallery 2

I'm the snow miser.

2009-01-28T11:31:00.004-05:00

Isn't it weird how, when faced with a budget crisis, some employees (I'm not naming any names...) are considered "non-essential" and therefore get days off without pay, and yet, when the streets are covered in ice and snow, the governor declares a state of emergency, and the mayor begs everyone to stay home, those same employees are like, the only ones required to come in to work? Because they are so..."essential"?

It's downright wacky, I tell you.

Completely pointless weather post.

2009-01-26T15:22:00.001-05:00

The weather is being weird here.
My mom has mentioned it on her blog, but for those of you who may not know it, people in our city freak out when there is a mention of snow. Because if it might snow, then we might get twenty inches of snow. Or four inches of solid ice. Or nothing at all. There are runs on milk and bread at the grocery store (why not snack cakes and Diet Coke? That's what I'd get, anyway.)
So my dad has been speaking ominously of the impending weather for the past several days. One meteorologist was apparently saying he expected schools to be closed on Tuesday and Wednesday. I would be just fine with that! I don't have school on Tuesday but Wednesday I have a Chem test and like, nine other classes. Practically. I would love to be out of school, even if it meant I was stuck at home in my messy room with nothing to eat but Ramen noodles. I don't mind. I've been in bed sick all weekend anyway. I'm not really enthusiastic about breaking up this routine (minus the sick part).

But I don't think it's snowing. I haven't been outside yet, but it was barely doing anything last night. I actually think it's getting warmer outside. It's still supposed to stay below freezing in my city, but who knows. Weather is weird here. I don't think anyone can really explain it properly. I pretty much have to go to work tonight, even though I still feel really bad, so I will see what the mood is there. Maybe hardly anyone will come in because they are afraid of driving tonight. I don't think I'd mind that at all.

Tag, I'm it.

2009-01-25T15:59:00.002-05:00

Uh-oh. I have been tagged! There is a photo game around here in blog land where you open the fourth folder wherever you store your digital pictures, and choose the fourth photo and post it and explain it. And tag four people. Brooke has tagged me. So...here we go..

Well that's not very exciting. This is where I work- before we opened- and all the things that we had to put away. It still looks like this sometimes but I think I was particularly overwhelmed that day and decided to document this excruciating mess. There are like, six other pictures from different angles in this folder but I won't bore you with those. Anyway. There is a little slice of my life for you.

On to the tagging...um...I guess I tag mom and Kelli. And if anyone else wants to do this, feel free! I am too sleepy to think of two other people who haven't done this yet to tag!

Today.

2009-01-22T08:32:00.003-05:00

Today marks the thirty sixth anniversary of the Roe vs. Wade decision, when our Supreme Court justices legislated from the bench and basically stated that it's ok to deny the most important of our constitutional rights, the right to life, to unborn children, so that the mother may not be "inconvenienced", "burdened" or "punished". Since this decision was handed down in 1973 approximately forty million children have died in what I am unashamed to label the American Holocaust.

Today, please pray. Pray to end abortion. Pray that our new Commander in Chief will follow the path of so many politicians and neglect to keep one of his campaign promises (the promise to sign the "Freedom of Choice Act", more here). Pray that President Obama will make wise decisions regarding this issue, as he was seen as one of the most "pro-choice" (i.e. pro-abortion) Senators in our country. Pray for the crisis pregnancy centers whose sole purpose is to show women who are considering an abortion that yes, that is a baby they are carrying, not just "fetal tissue" or "uterine contents". Pray for the demonstrators in Washington today, as well as around our country, that they will be safe and their message will not only be heard, but taken as legitimate. Say a prayer of gratitude for the women who have made the decision not to take the easy way out, and have either kept their children or provided an adoptive couple with a child of their own. And lastly, but most importantly, pray for those women who are facing fear and worry, today and every day, about what to do. Pray that they will choose life over death. Selflessness over convenience. Pray that they will choose love.

Hello, World!

This kind of turned into a review.

6!

Odobenus Rosmarus.

bother bother bother...

Accidental Omission

Who knows where the time goes?

I'm getting tired of waiting.

The flaw in the plan.

I wrote an obituary for my fish.

Buzz buzz. I am a buzy bee. Except I hate bees.

Update!

Sweet!

All I really want is a place to put my walruses.

So many channels, so little to see.

Wedding things.

{Insert "Wheels on the Bus" parody here}

Weekend Update (not the skit)

Who knows where the time goes?

Hurray for not being dead.

Just call me the bluebird of happiness.

"Very safe, as they're both dentists." -Hermione Granger, on her parents

My school smells like sewage. No, really.

140 ish days until Disney!

Blondies are called blondies because they aren't brownies.

An update.

Lime Pie

The weekend.

Weren't we supposed to dye my hair today?

Hyperbole is my middle name.

I'm tired.

Oops. Again.

Everybody's working for the weekend...except me!

It was always burning since the world was turning...

Briefly.

"It's...baconlettuceandpotato." -Rose Nylund

Don't you wonder sometimes 'bout sound and vision?

I'm ready for dinner.

I might be dull.

Polo says it's time for bed.

*grumble, grumble*

I'd like a sedative, please. Now.

"Yeah, toast!" -Heywood Banks

I Feel So

Tonight, tonight...

Shake your body down to the ground

Don't stop til you get enough

Sooooo tired.

It's really warm in my room.

Blah.

Job! Maybe?

Happy Fourth, Y'all

Fridays should be better, especially when they start off a long weekend

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

Thursday, Thursday....

Further ramblings

Oops.

I don't know.

Only four hours.

Is it nap time yet?

"I always wanted to do music that influences and inspires each generation. Lets face it, who wants mortality?"

Guess what? It's late. That's what.

This evening.

Lifesavers are giving me cavities.

I love toy trains!!!!! hahaha.

Watch!

Why bother with titles?

blech.

A post! A post! They don't come around often enough.

Why does this not exist anymore?????

2-1.

Libraries! Technology! Wow!

Good Days

1.5 hours to go...

I tried really hard not to make this weird and/or cheesy.

Question, meet answer.

*hiccup*

*yawn*

I'm a follower, not a fan.

A brief exclamation.

grumble, grumble

hiccup

yawn